Arbitrary Rules…

I just read this on Quora and really liked the lesson

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.

When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by. I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.“ What are you struggling with?” he asked. I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.” Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you? ”I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it. I wanted to have something more substantial. Something more profound. But I didn’t. So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes. “I felt like an idiot even saying it. What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes? But my therapist nodded in understanding and then said: “RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me. “Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules. ”It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express. That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times. I felt like I had conquered a dragon. The next day, I took a shower lying down. A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit. There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again. Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry. But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson: THERE ARE NO RULES. RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE!!!

As I read this it really sunk in… we have all these ‘rules’ but who gave us these rules? It is like we read it somewhere or our parents told us this is how its suppose to be and now they are just imbedded in our heads.

I have always made a meal together with the family even if I had to make separate meals because the kids wouldn’t eat what I was making but I made it all together regardless last night, I made the kids dinner first then mine and my husbands later when he got home from work, It was amazing… I was able to eat my whole meal without being interrupted several times. And the best part was…. my dinner stayed warm the whole time I was eating it because I wasn’t getting up several times to help the kids!

We set the bar so high for us that, rules so high to follow that we just mentaly cannot take it anymore.

How about today you do something different, live on the wild side.. throw out some rules that you have been doing for many years for reasons you have no idea why but because you felt you HAD too…

Dishes need to be done right away after dinner…. why? the dishes will still be there later. Watch that show before the dishes get done…

Laundry cant pile up… why? The laundry will still be there later… read that book that you have been dying to read.

run the dish washer twice…. because life is too short. Stressing over these arbitrary rules…

Drink wine in the morning and coffee at night… 😉 rules….

Anything is fucking possible

If I could go back in time speak to my younger self, just have a cup of coffee with her or in my case when I was younger a blue slushy with sour squirts in it.

I would say…

All those dreams and all those adventures that you want to take, you will, but in a different way. You wont be traveling around the world by yourself, you will be traveling with your beautiful kids and husband who loves you dearly.

Take responsibility for your fuck ups and be truthful about them. Lying gets your no where. Lying its just not worth it.

All those times that you would help others and want something in return, just give and give and give and don’t ever expect anything in return. Treat people that way you want to be treated and those that will do it in return without you asking are the ones that you want in our corner.

You are wild and free, you want to be silly, and make people laugh that does not mean that you are crazy. Be wild and be free!

The world is going to be stressful, there are going to be times where you will think about giving up, don’t my dear. The world is beautiful, you will just have to look at it in a different light.

Be someone who can breathe, and think things through. I know its hard for you. I promise it wont kill you lol Even though you may think it will. When you slow down and think before speaking or think before taking action. It will cause less damage and drama.

Do not waste your time on people that don’t give you the time of day. If you have to constantly start the conversation or constantly ask to hang out with someone, or be the one that’s always putting in the effort. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Walk the fuck away.

You have the ability to see people for who they are before you get to know them… that feeling you get, that uneasy feeling when you are just standing around people, go with it. That is your gut my dear and that will come in handy when you get older.

You may not see it right now but you are a really good person, you are loyal. I want you to find the courage to be yourself. You will go through all these changes and all these different versions of yourself but don’t ever loose yourself trying to get people to like you. It is not worth it.