I promise I am going to do my best

I will be the first to admit I am no teacher and with how schooling went back in march I know this is going to be a hot mess. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

I am not going to have all the answers because it has been a while since I was in school and so much has changed since then. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

I may have to stop a hundred times to go help each of your siblings because there are 4 of you, but I will come back and help you as soon as I can. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

You want to do your work outside, go for it. I am not going to stop you from doing your work because you want a change of space. Why should your education suffer because of it?

I promise I am going to do my best. 

You want to have a PaJama day, go for it. What you are wearing doesn’t stop you from doing your schoolwork. You just want to be nice and warm and cozy.  

I promise I am going to do my best. 

Your school days don’t have to look normal, as long as your work is done and you are learning something, I am okay with that. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

You miss your friends, I know. This is just to keep you safe. This is not forever, this is just for now. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

There is going to be sometimes where it is really hard to want to do school work. There are going to be times where you have had enough. Once we get through your schoolwork we can do something fun, I promise. 

There are going to be times where you wake up unmotivated to do your work, me too. You can do anything if you set your mind to it, we are in this together. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

This is new to all of us, but I know that we can get through this. I know that this is just a speed bump that we will drive right over.


Normalcy…

“The kids need some sort of normalcy. So that is why they need to go to school” This Is what I keep hearing… Okay cool, I get it, I honestly do. 

What kids see as a normal school year… school trips, seeing friends, hugging their friends that they haven’t seen in forever, hugging their teachers that they haven’t seen in forever, fun recesses, pizza days, milk days… a normal school year right? 

That’s not what’s going to happen when they go back this fall.  

What they are going to get is… 

No school trips… they can’t gather in groups to go on a fun trip somewhere and learn… it is not safe. It would be too much for the teachers to make sure no one touches anything, everyone washes their hands, not to mention the bus ride there?

No backpacks… Some schools are telling parents their kids are not allowed to wear backpacks, but lunch boxes are okay… so please enlighten me on how they are supposed to bring homework home? Or library books? Or projects back to school… you are telling me my kids will have to lug all this by hand? Including their lunch box? 

No normal recess… Some schools are making little circles for your kid to sit in and play outside… that means they have to stay in this circle alone… no playgrounds because it would be too much to clean… no playing with friends because you have to say 6 feet apart. 

Wearing a mask… This alone is not ‘normal’ I am not saying that people shouldn’t wear a mask, yes safety first… but can you honestly tell me that a child is going to want to wear a mask on their face all day?? Some schools say they can take the mask off in class? Okay, but doesn’t that defeat the purpose they are still around a teacher and other students? Can you honestly say that a kindergartner is going to wear this mask all day? Oh, you have to teach them that wearing a mask is important, well we have to teach them that picking their nose is bad but oh there is little jimmy digging for gold when no one is looking. 

No pizza or milk days… Yes, I get it, this one is a luxury, but some kids thrive for these days, these little incentives helps kids want to be at school. These little incentives kids get excited about. 

Bullies or the kids who think they are funny… What about the kids that don’t like teachers? Or bullies… what if a kid gets mad at the teacher and spits or coughs obnoxiously at them because they don’t want to listen? What about the bullies that will spit and cough and push or steal other people’s masks because they just don’t like your kid? Send them to the office? Well have you seen the office, it’s a tiny little space there is only so much space you can send a kid to wait for their parents to come and get them. 

No hugging or touching… No hugging has been a rule since the dawn of time for schools, but your child hasn’t seen their favourite teacher or their best friend and god knows how long, you’re telling me that they are not going to want to hug them? “Omg Stacy I haven’t seen you in forever!” *big hug* nope, not allowed that… No touchy. 

Cleaning… There has been back and forth with this one… one day it was closing every Wednesday so they can do a big clean, then its kids have to go back to school 5 days a week and they will have to clean at night… then it’s the kids and teachers have to clean… because that sounds safe to me and not like the teachers don’t have enough to do. 

And that’s is me just hitting a few things… These things are not normal. The kids will not have a normal school year. I get that some parents cannot afford to not to go work… I get that. But please stop telling me that kids need some normalcy and put going back to school on that list because I promise you it will NOT be normal for them… it will cause them 10 times more stress then you think.  

Do I have all the answers to make sure everyone is happy with that choice in how schools will be? No. 

Can I help you make the choice to if you should allow your kids back to school? No. Every family is different, you make the choice what sees fit for your family.

Is there one option better than the other? No. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Sending your kids to school you are possibly sending your kids into an unsafe environment, keeping your kids home they are not getting the socialization, but even if you do send them I doubt socialization would happen anyways.  

Parenting right now, in this pandemic is a dumpster fire. There seems to be no right choices on how to do things. There is no parenting book on “How to raise your kids in a pandemic” We are all losing our minds here and brains are hurting, from overthinking our overthinking, trying to figure out the best plan for our kids. There seems to not be enough wine or coffee to fix things.

Just breathe. We can get through this.


Dear bullies, Thank you.

In our public school there weren’t the popular kids and the unpopular kids. It was a small town and everyone knew everyone. Everyone was invited to each other’s birthdays because our parents grew up with each other and honestly we were young and innocent and hate wasn’t even thought of. 

Once we made it to high school that is when it all changed. There were clicks. Everyone went into their little groups. Band kids, jocks, popular girls and computer people. I trotted into school like everything was going to be the same. I was wrong. 

The popular girls never bothered me, they stuck to themselves talking about all pretty and pink things. The ones who ended up bullying me were who I thought were my best friends. Right, I know plot twists. It all started because a boy liked me and not them. A boy of all things came between us. I never even thought twice about pursuing it, because your girls come first right? 

They came in like a force of nature. Pushing me down in the halls, writing bad things on my locker. Spreading outrageous lies about me. The thing is they knew all my secrets, they knew exactly what would hurt me the most. 

Your worst enemies are the ones that know you the best. 

I was holding myself together with duct tape and happy thoughts. I didn’t want to go to school, I would do my best to hide.. It was a terrible feeling. I felt sick, I would barely eat anything. I refused to talk to my parents about it because I figured they wouldn’t understand. 

No matter how hard I tried to understand why they were doing these things to me, it felt like I would never belong anywhere.  

But honestly I want to thank them, of course I will never forget the pain that they put me through, I will never forget the way they made me feel like I was shit on their shoe. 

People who put others down, are suffering from a battle that we just don’t see, they are going through something that they refuse to let anyone know and project it on other people, this taught me compassion. 

This taught me to love all walks of life, to treat others the way you want to be treated no matter how they treat you. 

This taught me to look beyond what they looked like and connect with their experiences in life, to stop and listen. 

This taught me to be strong, because no matter what comes at me now, I will know how to handle it. 

This has taught me to see the signs in my kids if they are being bullied. This has taught me to know how to speak to them about bullying. 

I am not thanking them for their behaviour and I am not giving them credit for my happiness, but that experience has taught me so much. 

I am thanking them because they showed me what not to be, they showed me that no matter what pain or suffering that I go through, I will use that to be more kind, to be more passionate to be more open and listen to others suffering. 

I chose to use the darkness that surrounded me and become a flower. I outgrew your words and your hate and became the person that I wanted to be.


Homeschooling

Day 56…

Every week my youngest who is in JK, the teacher will do a student of the week. Who has been working really hard online. Getting all their work done. They get a trophy with their names on it and a “Huge awesome work” from their teachers

Don’t get me wrong I love seeing other little ones working hard, but for me it’s a reminder that mine are struggling.

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Now I do understand that their work is not being marked. This is just to keep their brains fresh. Every time I read it I get a knot in my stomach.

It’s a reminder that I am not doing my 100%. It ‘s a reminder that all these other parents are doing an amazing job at this home schooling thing and I am over here behind.

My son throws a huge tantrum every time he has to do work. Of course why would he want to he’s at home, we don’t do school work at home and even though we have been at this for awhile. He still does not want to do it.

Every now and then he will want to do something, I have done everything I could possible to get him to do it. He is just not feeling it.

Honestly I don’t think any parent has really mastered this. It is knew to everyone. Knew to the parents, knew to the kids, knew to the teachers. This is a big step in learning and we are all struggling.

We have to make sure that we are not getting lost in the due dates, and the marks, and the other parents getting more done then you are. Kids all work at different paces and different emotions. We have to take all this with a grain of salt and day by day.

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Most parents are stressed about all this. Most parents are saying they have no idea what they are doing and trying to do their best. Kids just want to be home and play, not do work.

We are all being forced to be teachers and parents at the same time and kids just don’t understand why they have to because they are not at school.

Take it day by day. If you made it through the day then you did it! If your child did ONE thing on the computer then you did it! They did it!

I think we all need to stop being so hard on ourselves, we need to stop comparing ourselves to other parents and our kids to their kids. We are not all the same.

Keep rocking this mom life, drink some coffee, drink some wine. Rock that shit!

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Being a mom of a bullied child

I want to tell you about how hard it is to be a mom of a child that is being bullied…

How hard it is to listen to your child ask you “Mom what is wrong with me” “Why do they make fun of me”

How hard it is to explain to them and come up with all these excuses as to why they are doing it, when you honestly don’t understand yourself.

How hard it is for your child to come home and you tell them to tell their teacher and they said they did but all the teacher says it stay away from them.

How hard it is to watch your child cry and hate themselves because other people tell them they aren’t good enough.

How hard it is to invite all these kids to a birthday party and no one shows up, so you do your best to find something else to do without letting him know its because no one RSVPd.

How hard it is to pick your kids up from school holding your breath because you are so scared of how the day went, and the minute to see his face you know that it wasn’t a good day.

How hard it is to watch your child change who they are just because other people tell them that they don’t like the way they dress, or how they act.

How you their mother cry while driving away from the school and them demanding they stay home with you, demanding to be homeschooled, or pretending they are sick just to get out of getting an education.

How you have to listen to other people tell you that “kids will be kids” “they will grow out of it” “your kid should fight back” but that’s not my child hes not a fighter hes a lover.

How my kid just wants to be liked by everyone, how its killing him on the inside that he isn’t how my kid doesn’t understand why.

How hard it is to email the teacher and the principle telling them that your child is being bullied and then don’t get a call or email back, like they just ignored it.

How hard it is that you are not at the school 247 protecting them from all the bullying. You do your best to try and stop it by contacting the right people. but is it ever enough.

How hard it is when you tell your child you will do something about it he bags and bags you not to get involved because it will make it worse.

How hard it is that your child tells you another child told him to run into traffic because hes wasting air.

Please PLEASE I am bagging you as a mother of a child that is being bullied, teach your child to be kind, teach them to not judge others by the way they are, or look. Teach them that everyone it equal. Teach them that you don’t need to be friends with everyone, but you still need to be civil. Teach them. We can all end bullying by teach our children to not be like that. We can end bullying with OUR children. The future. We are the ones that teach them how to be in life. PLEASE teach your child not to be a bully.


The last one

I have been through this many times, once with my now 10 year old, again with my now 8 year old…

First day of school

But this time it is different. This time whole bunch of different emotions that I cannot begin to explain them.

Our last child, our baby is starting JK (Junior Kindergarten)

I am happy, excited, sad all these emotions. I am excited for him because I know he wants to start school so bad. Sad because no more kids at home. No more first child starting school. He is no longer a baby. Which I knkw he hasnt been for awhile but I could still hold on to that since there was no school.

I know he will be okay, because hes smart and outgoing and full of life and a ball of energy. Plus his 3 other siblings at school will watch over him.

I know he is ready…but am I ready? Am I ready to have a empty house during the day? Am I ready to not have someone asking me a million questions during the day? eating lunch alone?

Yes and no

Yes, peace sounds so good dont get me wrong. The house will be clean (until they get home) all the house work done right away without it taking forever since I have to stop every 2 mins.

No. Because what if he needs me? I don’t want quiet, I don’t want him to grow up just yet. I dont want to come go realization that no more babies.

I will miss my partner in crime. But I know he will be okay.