Where is the balance.

The realization how times have changed from when we were younger. We roamed freely. We would walk to the store along when our parents had enough of us and gave us some pennies, to grab penny candy.

We rode our bikes with our friends without our parents being right there. We wanted to walk up town for lunch, no problem.

Our parents would sit on a bench and let us play freely on the playground while reading a book or talking to their friends.

Now, modern parenting is a whole different story. It makes it hard for us ‘None helicopter moms’ we feel that we need to be RIGHT there in case of judgement.

Now parents even with older kids are hovering by the playground “oh honey, you shouldn’t use the monkey bars just in case you fall” “I will stand here while you ride your bike in the driveway”

Yes, I do realize that we are now more aware of kidnappers and people whom are bad because of social media, they were always around.

Allowing your teenager to go to the mall alone with her or his friends is out of the question. You feel guilty, you feel scared the whole time.

I find myself trying to find a balance between permissive parenting and helicopter mom.

I want my kids to be able to make those mistakes and learn their lessons but at the same time I am scared for being judged that I am not doing enough.

I struggle with all the rules that is set in place now. How our generation is ruin our kids because they should have 0 screen time, spend every single moment with them that you have, sign them up for every single spot even if they don’t like it. Celebrate every single holiday and buy them huge gifts. Wait, when did Easter become the new Christmas?

Your kids don’t get enough outdoor time. Um, I promise you if my kids could live outside in a forest they probably would.

I want my kids to have somewhat of the same childhood I did, even though I know it’s not possible now. To be completely honest trying to find a balance for that is stressing me out.

As social media gets bigger so does all the information about how we can and cannot do this and the information is back and forth.

How are we suppose to figure all this out when everything is so conflicting.

You shouldn’t have them on technology for long, yet in school that is a huge part of their learning.

You shouldn’t tell your kids that their homework is wrong, let the teacher mark it, yet you need to teach them the right answers.

You should be outside with them in your OWN backyard watching their every move, but that’s when I get my peace and able to get my housework done.

Where is the balance… where do you balance… when do we step back a little and where do we come in?

I find myself comparing everything I do to other parents, just to make sure I am doing thing’s right. Even those I know that is silly. It can drive a person mental.

The stakes are too high. There is so many rules I feel like I cannot keep up with them. I feel they are only going to get worse from here.

I can’t help but wonder if I am doing the right things, I can’t help but think am I ruining the kids by not doing or am doing these things?

Where do I find a balance?

We struggle…but weve got this

Motherhood is challenging…

We struggling with what we think is the right way to handle a situation…

We struggling with thinking are we doing everything right….

We struggle with our babies or child sleep schedule…

We struggle with our child’s tantrums….

But the thing is we get through it… We are strong, capable human beings. Even those there are plenty of days where we think we are not rocking it. We are.

We wake up in the middle of the night to feed our babies, changing diapers at 2am, 3am, 4am… Without batting an eye…

We carry a human being inside of us! And we continue to do day to day things. Some of us even care for our other children while our body is so overworked that its running on low but we do it…

We get up, get the kids bathed, dressed, fed and lunches then out the door to the bussed or to school on time, all while staying up late making sure that 22 kids in their class get their treats for the party that your child told you at the last minute they needed…

We cook, we clean, solve crimes like find the missing stuffed animal while your kid has a melt down in the corner…

Constantly being told you’re doing it wrong but so many people because you didn’t do it the way they want you too or the way they would do it, but you hold it together because your tiny humans are depending on you.

Making sure their teeth are brushed, clothes are washed and homework is done….

Even if its big or small we are getting it done. You should feel proud of yourself no matter what. Because parenting is tough. We struggle. But we win every day… Because those smiles and i love you’s make everything worth it.

What I wish I heard before I was pregnant

“You will have a beautiful glow, and love every minute of it”

At this point I am expecting an amazing experience… what could go wrong right?? No pain, I hold my pee when I sneeze… not

Don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful that I made a human being inside me, and I love them to death.. and I am sure there are people out their that loved their pregnancies.. but for me I wish someone told me a few more things about it… honestly

Just Eat

When I was pregnant I craved subs… all of the meat plus anything sour, and guess what I.ate.all.the.things. Don’t get me wrong I felt guilty that I was not eating more healthy, but guess what happened?? I gave birth to 3 healthy little bumbinos. Yep, 10 fingers, 10 toes. Cutest little button noses. Perfectly healthy. So girl you have a craving dig in!!

Park that butt if you want to!

I get it, there is so much to be done before the baby comes or you want to get that pile of work on your desk done, the house is a friggin mess… but hey, you earned this, you are creating a human being inside you, your body is already working over time. Take that well-earned break that you need. Sit down, eat all the things and relax.

Hand me downs are okay!

It is your first baby you want to buy all new clothes. You want your baby looking amazing in everything he or she wears. Guess what second hand clothes are amazing and I promise you a lot of it are brand name! Babies grow so fast and they will continue doing that. Like bad weeds in the garden.

You need help? Ask for it!

Do not feel guilty because you need an extra hand! Parenting is not easy, I promise you that. It is really hard being a first time mom, heck even a second or third time mom its hard. It takes a village to help raise the children, ask for help when you need it. Your feet hurt, your back hurts, everything is friggin hurts. That’s what family and friends are for.

Sexy Time!

A girls got needs. I get it you don’t like the way your body looks. Trust me neither did I. Plus sometimes I was so tired I couldn’t even get up off the couch. If you are feeling it, go for it and no, your husband will not poke the baby in eye… even though some of them might say that. Feeling that connection with your Significant other is amazing.

Where what you feel comfortable in

You want to wear those sleep pants.. do it You want to wear track pants do it. You want to splurge on maternity clothes GO FOR IT. You are already feeling extremely uncomfortable in your body why would you make it worse by wearing something that just isn’t right. DO YOU!

Pregnancy might not be the most pleasant thing in the world, or maybe you will enjoy every minute of it, we are all different. But one thing I know is that once you are holding that beautiful baby in your arms all the things that happened will just go away, the minute you see that face!

The little things

As a mom to a child with Autism and ADHD , It is the little things that I am most excited about, the little things that are normal to some parents but make us cry with happy tears when it happens.

When they eat something that looks a little funny and don’t get upset and throw it. Or when they come and say sorry for their outburst without you having to ask them. Or when you can walk into the store without them getting upset that you can’t buy them all things.

Sometimes I feel like I am not cut out for this. Sometimes the days just seem to hard. I make a list of all the things that I know will trigger a outburst and I say “yes i’ve got this” then something completely out of left field upsets him.

For those you just had their child diagnosed one thing I know for sure is that there was nothing that you could have done differently to prevent your child from getting Autism or ADHD. I am not going to lie those there will be stress when they have a break down in the middle of a crowded area there will be stares. There will be rude statements and rude questions. There will be people that tell you “wow your child needs to be disciplined better” When at that point when they are in full break down mode, discipline would be pointless. The ones that are uneducated about these things are the ones that will come at you worse. Don’t let them get to you.

The little things are what matters the most, when you are talking to them about something and they make direct eye contact with you! Which took so long for my son to do, a lot of work and training for him to do that. Those are the days hes having a good day!

My son is 8 years old, but acts like a toddler I promise you he is no toddler size. When he has a break down in the middle of store and you have to pick that huge boy up to get him out of the situation that he is stressed about, I promise you is not easy.

With my son everything needs to be on a schedule everything needs to go as planed if one thing is out of place or canceled that could be a big deal and cause a break down. You need to have a back up plan. So if something like Ju jitsu gets canceled you need to come up with another activity fast or already have one that you can do with them. With my son Ju Jitsu is his thing, he loves it. Finding a sport that he was fully into was hard, we tried baseball, soccer, basket ball nothing stuck… but when we found Ju Jistsu he was actually focused and excited to go.

On bad days, when something triggers in him. Honestly I keep saying outbursts but that doesn’t even begin to actually explain what happens. Something simple for example when I ask my son to clean his room, which is one of his triggers if you dont say it correctly “can you clean your room please” that would set him off. If you say “can you do me a favour and grab those toys and put them in the bin” That would be okay because he knows exactly where to start and what to do. But before I figured that one out we had some bad days. He would say he hates himself, and grab a toy and start hitting himself in the face with it. Grab his door and start punching it and stomping. He yells I am so stupid I can’t do this. I found out that telling him exactly what you want him he doesn’t get overwhelmed with everything. Instead of saying “Time to get ready for school” I would say “Can you get your shoes on” Or “Now get your coat on”

I get to those that don’t understand it sounds annoying to constantly have to be very clear has to what you want to get done. To me it makes perfect sense.

Its the small things that are important, because everything I learn something new, every day is another adventure or hurdle . But I promise you it is all worth it! .

My kind of people

I am not going to lie, my house is not perfectly clean, laundry piling up and there is probably something thats been in the freezer well past its time. I am not going to lie that sometimes my children wear the same pants 3 days in a row because its easier to not fight with them.

Sometimes I wish my house looked like the perfect Pinterest or Instagram house, with everything organized and perfectly clean. Let’s be honest are they even real? But I find be I am brutally honest about myself and my house I find my kind of people. The ones the dont pretend to have it all together like me.

Thank you! Thank you for being you. Thank you for not trying to be someone else and thank you for not judging me.

There is nothing worse then walking into a place and everything in amazing, no dust, no toys everywhere no dog hair, nothing its like a staged house. It makes you feel horrible and lazy about yourself and your house and then they have the nerve to be like “sorry about the mess” “Girl what mess?” and they turn the pillow around.. that mess? pfft come on.

but then you walk into a house that its just a hot mess, their hair is in a mom bun on the top of their head, toys everywhere. I respect you! Because I get it. I get that you probably tried to pick up those toys 23049230984 times and then they end up right back where you picked them up. I bet you have been doing laundry every day and it still is piled up. Don’t worry I get it!

There is no one more beautiful to me then someone that walks around with their imperfections and owns it! Because what is perfect?? Nothing… we all have something going on, why hide it. Be YOU… always be you.

Don’t ever think that you need to pretend to be someone else, have to run around and clean up the house quickly because I am coming over. Don’t think that you need to change out of your PJs because I am coming over, Girl tell me i will come over in mine! Because lord knows I dont even want to change myself.

You know what, if we show our kids not to hide who they are, maybe they will grow up to not hide their true selves from anyone. Your friends and family and kids dont need a perfect pinterest house, They dont need a outfit that matches or all the same mugs or cups. They just need YOU.

It may be cute to have your kids all dressed in designer clothes, or all the hottest furniture of 2019. Kids grow up fast, they rather you be spending time with them instead of worrying about the house being a mess… Make that fort with them and let them play with those toys, let the sink pile up because your child wants to play cards.

I am okay with everyone seeing who I really am, because it helps me find the ones that truely understand me. The ones that Id rather be around.

I am enough. and so are you!