‘unwanted’ parenting advice

Here you are holding your new bundle of joy. You feel happy, scared and excited and who knows what other emotions are brewing inside you because this is intense. You and your partner just made a tiny little human!

Your new adventure has just began. Wondering what you are going to do, how are you going to raise them. All these new never done before moments.

Let’s be honest you have no idea what you are doing and of course you will get the ‘unwanted’ parenting advice from all different walks of life parents out there.

I wanted to talk about the ones that I received when I had my first baby, heck I still get it after having 4 kids.

Don’t get me wrong some of the advice I received was great, I could use it and other ones were just went completely against what I felt was necessary to have a connection with my child.

So grab your coffee and let’s get started

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1. Don’t hold your baby too much

Your baby was inside your belly for 9 months, then comes out into this huge world, it has no idea what is happening. It’s nice warm comfort zone is gone. You holding your baby, is giving your child that comfort zone. You cannot spoil your baby. The attention you give your baby is the foundation for thriving, emotionally, physically and intellectually!

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2. Treat your child the way they treat you

In other words, they give you attitude, you give it right back. They speak to you in a rude tone you speak back to them in a rude tone. Monkey see Monkey do. You want your child to know what they are doing is wrong. If you come back at them with the same tone or attitude, they will just continue with it. “Well mommy does it so I can” It is a better idea to be a good role model. You want to show them better ways to react to situations that you don’t like. Instead of getting mad when they are frustrating you, say “wow, I really loved that you did what I asked of you even though you were upset”. Get them to talk about why it upset them in the first place, children are just learning how to express themselves in the right manner and we need to teach them the right way.

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3. Spank them when they misbehave

This is one of them that bothered me the most. Your child looks up to you. You are their safe place. You start spanking your child, you are no longer their safe place. At the same time, you are telling your child “we do not hit each other when we disagree with what they are doing” yet you are doing it to them when you don’t like what they are doing. Words. Words are more powerful then a punishment that will scar their self-esteem. If your child refuses to do their school work because they want to play games, then tell them if you refuse to do what I ask then you don’t get to play your games. The one thing that I found worked best for tantrums was just walking away, not only does it help you calm down, it helps them. Giving them some space, when they realize that you are no longer giving them that attention they will calm down and stop what they are doing.

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4. Be a helicopter mom if you want to keep your child safe

This one lately I have been struggling with, because I feel like their is a fine line with over parenting and letting your child figure out life. If you never let your child figure out their own mistakes. You are constantly there hovering over them so they make 0 mistakes, when something comes along and you are not there they will have no idea how to deal with that situation. Tell your child about your experiences as a child, “when I did this, this is what happened, this is how I dealt with it” We are not always going to be around our kids, we need to teach them how to live in the big wide world. So that means, they will fall and get hurt. They will make a mistake. Being a good mom, doesn’t mean you have to be a perfect one. Since that doesn’t exist.

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5. Don’t ever give your child junk food

This means no pizza, no cake, no cupcakes. Not even french fries or burgers.
While eating healthy is very important, but all the time with no cheat days isn’t really practical. What if your child get’s invited over to a friends house for a sleepovers or birthday parties? I personally feel like it would have more of a negative effect on your child’s social and emotion development. You are telling your child that they can’t have these things at birthday parties or gatherings but all the other kids can. They will potentially feel like an outcast. Obviously if your child is allergic to something yes, of course they shouldn’t.
Yes, having your child have healthy food more than junk food is important, but teach your child the difference between junk food and healthy food. Allow your child to eat junk food in moderation. Show your child that healthy foods can be just as fun and inviting.

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6. ‘Cry it out method’ is best

“This will help them learn to be more independent”

“This will help mold their lungs”

There has been studies that have proven that this can have a negative impact on your child. One study shown that your child would become more dependent on you. Your child just cried himself / herself to sleep, which means they tired themselves out from crying and gave up hope thinking that you will be coming back in. Hearing this one goes against everything that I believed in. Knowing that my baby just gave up on their comfort zone.
What we did for this one was, we waited till they were at least 6 months old and could sleep through the night to change them over to the crib in their own rooms. As for transferring your child to a toddler bed and they keep getting out. What we did was sat outside the bedroom door. Every time they would get out. I would put them back in reassuring that I was there but it is bedtime this is where you sleep now. Showing your child that no matter what you will always be there is key. Letting them know that it is bedtime but you promise to me there when they wake up.

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Note:
These are just my opinions on how I feel about the advice I was given. Get your own opinion on each one. Take the advice with a grain of salt. Some things may work for one family but they may not work for all.

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Most important love you baby with all your heart. Show them all the love you can give them. Enjoy this new adventure. Days will be harder then others but you have got this!

Wine Wednesday’s isn’t just for drinking wine.

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I am sure everyone has heard of “Wine Wednesday” at some point in their lives and what is the first thing that pops in your mind. A day for drinking wine. Even though let’s be honest here I drink wine any day of the week, more so right now, since we have the time. Not shuffling off the sporting events or after school programs.

It is not just a day to drink wine for moms. Heck you don’t even have to drink wine to enjoy this day with your friends. I am sure i’m not alone in this but sometimes we feel like all we are, is a mom. Trying to have a conversation with a tiny version of ourselves every day, all day. It can get a little repetitive. Yes, we love those little turds like no other but sometimes adult conversation is nice. Hey, even if you bring the kids along then all the other kids can play together while you sit and chat about some other then “You need to wipe your bum” “Please do not sit on your sisters head” “There is tons of air in this room, you both can breathe it”

Not only does this help you have some socialization it also helps the kids too, all the kids playing together, tiring each other out and bam bedtime gets just a little easier. I know with everything going on right now its hard to get together with your friends. Why not have face-time or skype or whatever video call platform you are using and sit together on your decks and have that bottle of wine.

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Wednesday proven by Science is one of the best times to drink wine, according to bottlers Cobevco. They said its because Wednesday is the half way mark to the end of the week and everyone just feels more comfortable popping open that cork. Believe it or not but men are actually more likely then woman to open the cork at 6:40 pm and woman at 7pm. Probably because the kids become thirsty philosophers and refuse to go to bed on time.

According to medical news society, wine has a lot of health benefits to it. One bottle a day keeps the doctor away? no? It could work. There was a study done in 2018 although wine is not actually recommended for these things but the study showed that drinking wine moderately has some positive outcomes like,

  • cardiovascular disease
  • atherosclerosis
  • hypertension
  • certain types of cancer
  • type 2 diabetes
  • neurological disorders
  • metabolic syndrome

Red wine has anti inflammatory properties in it as well as antioxidant.

So grab that wine glass or bottle. I am not judging and bottoms up! You mama deserve it!

Easter… We have got this!

As Easter approaches I find myself unsure of how I feel. I am excited to still be able to watch my kids hunt for Easter eggs, because thankfully our bulk barn did online pick up, at the same time I find myself a little sad.

I am sad that I wasn’t able to get the ‘Extras” new books, or skipping ropes and bubbles. Normally I like to get them some sort of outside toy to celebrate spring time. It is in the back of my head that I feel I am failing as a mother because I can’t get the things that I normally can, but at the same time I know that I am doing the best I can in this new world that we are living in right now.

I am sad that we wont be able to do our big family dinners that we normally do with the extended family. Dinner at my moms with the big turkey and the big Easter egg hunt that she puts on every year for the kids. My dad’s where he always gets them so much outdoor toys to keep them entertained for the spring and summer. My grandma where her hugs can cure anything I swear.

I am sad that when my youngest keeps asking “Why can’t we go see them for just a minute” “I promise I wont get close to them” then I have to continue to remind him that we just simply can’t right now and explain to a 4 year old, who really doesn’t understand how a virus works.

I am sad that all my kids birthdays will be effected from this virus and there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t stop it. I can’t say “go away, so that my babies can have their birthdays” I am going to do my hardest to make sure that they have the best birthdays under the circumstances but I know that it just wont be the same. Bowling and space dance parties without their friends.

I am sad that I canceled on friends before this because I would give anything to see them right now, I need them.

As parents, we are going to have to figure out how to adapt to the world that is falling apart due to a virus that is just taking over the world. As parents we have to make sure that we protect our kids physically and mentally, but well let’s face it we have no idea what really is going on ourselves. We have to at the same time protect ourselves physically and mentally in order to protect them.

Stay positive

I get it, trust me it is really hard to stay positive when you are so scared yourself. Not to mention your kids driving you up the wall and back down again. Thinking about how a cabin in the woods, just you and nature would feel right about now. I find what work’s best here is using my words wisely and they will more then likely work… so instead of saying “Ugh, stop making such a mess” say “Can you please pick up your toys” They are just as stressed as you are. Their tiny lives have been flipped upside down too. Yelling at them will just make you upset and them upset and everyone’s crying and stressed.

Structure

Everything is up in the air right now, and no one know when this will end. Letting everyone just go hog wild in the house for months, is just going to cause everyone to be a hot mess and you drinking out of the wine bottle. I know as parents, moms. We want to sleep in. We dream about more sleep. I found if I set my alarm got up and had my coffee before the mayhem started I have a better day. I have started to get my body back to normal routines. Get your kids up, have breakfast, their showers and their school work. Have their meal times and bedtime routines as normal. Children have a healthier life with a structured life.

Behaviour

Kids are going to be testing our patience a lot more during this time. They know what set’s us off. I get that this time is stressful for them, but at the same time we need to make sure that they know that their behavior is now okay. We have always been their teachers even while they were in school. We need to make sure that they grow up to be respectful human beings. Consequences help teach our children responsibility for what they do. We will hear a lot of “You aren’t my teacher, I don’t need to learn that” they will have more break downs because they are stressed and are still learning how to use their emotions. Small body big emotions. Teach them how to express themselves and let us know whats going on in their little minds because negative outbursts.

Always take a minute for yourself. If you feel like screaming, if you feel like you are about to loose your cool. Go take a minute. Breathe. and come back to it.

You are not alone

Millions of parents out there are trying to figure this out too. Contact your mommy friends and vent to them. Tell them “Girl ima sell these kids to the zoo” I am 100% sure they will agree and say “maybe they will do a deal with more kids, I will drop mine off too” go on some mommy support groups.
Take a break. When the kids are asleep. Have that nice relaxing bath. Go sit outside with a book. Avoid social media with all those news outlets, people sharing all these things about the virus that is sending your blood pressure out the window. You need to separate yourselves from hearing about it all together to settle, to destress.

Talk to your kids about it

I know we are all trying to figure it out. We don’t know whats going on either. Your kids look to you for safety and reassurance that everything will be okay and that everything one day will go back to some what of a normal life. Being silent and not talking about it does not help your child. Listen to their questions and answer them to the best of your ability. Ask them open questions about how they are feeling about this whole situation. If they don’t feel like talking about it, that’s okay. Just let them know that you are here when they feel like talking.

We are all in this together. We can get through this, I know it. It is after 6 so it is time for wine!

Cheers parents, Stay safe, we have got this!

What I wish I heard before I was pregnant

“You will have a beautiful glow, and love every minute of it”

At this point I am expecting an amazing experience… what could go wrong right?? No pain, I hold my pee when I sneeze… not

Don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful that I made a human being inside me, and I love them to death.. and I am sure there are people out their that loved their pregnancies.. but for me I wish someone told me a few more things about it… honestly

Just Eat

When I was pregnant I craved subs… all of the meat plus anything sour, and guess what I.ate.all.the.things. Don’t get me wrong I felt guilty that I was not eating more healthy, but guess what happened?? I gave birth to 3 healthy little bumbinos. Yep, 10 fingers, 10 toes. Cutest little button noses. Perfectly healthy. So girl you have a craving dig in!!

Park that butt if you want to!

I get it, there is so much to be done before the baby comes or you want to get that pile of work on your desk done, the house is a friggin mess… but hey, you earned this, you are creating a human being inside you, your body is already working over time. Take that well-earned break that you need. Sit down, eat all the things and relax.

Hand me downs are okay!

It is your first baby you want to buy all new clothes. You want your baby looking amazing in everything he or she wears. Guess what second hand clothes are amazing and I promise you a lot of it are brand name! Babies grow so fast and they will continue doing that. Like bad weeds in the garden.

You need help? Ask for it!

Do not feel guilty because you need an extra hand! Parenting is not easy, I promise you that. It is really hard being a first time mom, heck even a second or third time mom its hard. It takes a village to help raise the children, ask for help when you need it. Your feet hurt, your back hurts, everything is friggin hurts. That’s what family and friends are for.

Sexy Time!

A girls got needs. I get it you don’t like the way your body looks. Trust me neither did I. Plus sometimes I was so tired I couldn’t even get up off the couch. If you are feeling it, go for it and no, your husband will not poke the baby in eye… even though some of them might say that. Feeling that connection with your Significant other is amazing.

Where what you feel comfortable in

You want to wear those sleep pants.. do it You want to wear track pants do it. You want to splurge on maternity clothes GO FOR IT. You are already feeling extremely uncomfortable in your body why would you make it worse by wearing something that just isn’t right. DO YOU!

Pregnancy might not be the most pleasant thing in the world, or maybe you will enjoy every minute of it, we are all different. But one thing I know is that once you are holding that beautiful baby in your arms all the things that happened will just go away, the minute you see that face!

MARRIAGE IS NOT EASY

Marriage is not easy.

You wont find the person that you click with on everything, because every single person has a different view.

You wont find a person that is perfect because perfect doesn’t exist.

You wont find a person that has all the same interests as you because we all like different things.

What you will find, is a person that has perfect imperfections just like you.

What you will find, is a person that challenges you in every single way, because when you fight its all about learning how to deal with what is bothering both of you and get through it.

What you will find, is your soul mate that fits YOU perfectly, because your heart finds a person that you know will follow you to the ends of this earth and back.

I watch my husband struggle every day, to go to a job he doesn’t love, but he knows he has to, because he has a family to take care of. I watch my husband struggle when he gets home to stay awake and help me and to see the kids but he is just so tired that he can hardly stay awake. I watch my husband get mad at things really easy because hes struggling to be happy with his job and takes it out on us. I watch my husband struggle because he feels bad for taking it out on us.

Sometimes he will leave for work without giving me a kiss, sometimes I get mad for him not helping me around the house more.
Sometimes he will come home with something for me because he knows I have had a bad day.
Sometimes I just let him sleep because I know he’s had a bad day.

Marriage is not easy

You see your partner going through all this, you see the bad parts of a person, but you also see the good parts. You see them when they are sad, and being so stubborn. You also see them when they are happy and laughing and that laugh just makes you melt and you remember all over again why you married them.

You see them at 2 am, when everyone else is asleep. Talking about your future and what you hope for. You get to see the side of them that no one else does. Sometimes its not pretty and other times its amazing.

It is farting.
It is bad breath.
It is random dances when your favorite songs come on.
It is random I love yous
It is never leaving you even those you have said some nasty things.

It is someone having your back always even those they don’t agree with it. It is supporting someone through every new adventure when they are do scared at doing it, but also very excited about the future.

Marriage is not easy.

It is fighting over stupid things, and realize that it was stupid and holding onto it because you don’t want to admit you were wrong, and then they do something silly that makes your laugh and you realize the fight is just not worth it.

It is falling asleep in each others arms, thinking that their just is not enough time with each other. It is falling asleep not cuddling because you both are just so tired at the end of the day you pass out.

It’s cleaning up their messes, it’s taking care of them when they are sick. It is the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding thing you can do.

Because at the end of the day, after everything that went on and was crazy, you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, your partner, the most annoying, the weirdest, loving, goofy person that you know.

Marriage is not easy.

But it is the best feeling knowing, that you have someone to Always have your back.

Daylight savings, the devil

Here I am on my like I don’t know 20th cup of coffee, honestly I lost count. It is that time of the year where all parents are dying… not really but sooo tired! Time change. It’s not like our sleep is already screwed up with having kids and all. Pretty sure whoever invented daylight savings either didn’t have kids or hated people with kids.

As parents we struggle enough trying to get our kids to sleep. Any tiny little change that stops this from happening even more can kiss my Canadian bottom.

Our kids tantrums and attitudes don’t fall back, and now added on to it we have another hour to deal with their hyper I dont want to go to bed crazyness. Kids dont even understand time change they will get up whenever, so you bet my kid was up hella early this morning. I honestly am just dreaming about my comfy bed. “I will see you soon my comfy cloud”

I think maybe we should all be allowed to give our child cough syrup when daylights savings comes around, or maybe a cute little mascot that comes and tell the kids this is fun time juice.. just kidding of course.

“A whole extra hour to slee…” “HAH naw mom, we will be up at the crack ass of dawn still”

Maybe next time I will send the kids over to their grandparents! “You said you wanted to visit the kids… You’re welcome!”

Some parents look forward to having that extra time to drink some wine!

Maybe we can also set out kids back an hour? Is that possible?

and what about the timing, we get to deal with the hyper of the kids having all that Halloween candy !!

One funny thing that my husband and I were talking about when that kids wont even know the struggle of going around the house and having to manually change the clocks, everything is all digital now!

I have noticed some people without kids complaining about daylight savings. Go have a nap… have like 20 naps… relax.. having some time drinking coffee without being interrupted 34203984203 times before you take a sip !!

My bed is going to feel so nice later I can just feel it! For now I am doing everything possible to stay awake… count down is on!!

My kind of people

I am not going to lie, my house is not perfectly clean, laundry piling up and there is probably something thats been in the freezer well past its time. I am not going to lie that sometimes my children wear the same pants 3 days in a row because its easier to not fight with them.

Sometimes I wish my house looked like the perfect Pinterest or Instagram house, with everything organized and perfectly clean. Let’s be honest are they even real? But I find be I am brutally honest about myself and my house I find my kind of people. The ones the dont pretend to have it all together like me.

Thank you! Thank you for being you. Thank you for not trying to be someone else and thank you for not judging me.

There is nothing worse then walking into a place and everything in amazing, no dust, no toys everywhere no dog hair, nothing its like a staged house. It makes you feel horrible and lazy about yourself and your house and then they have the nerve to be like “sorry about the mess” “Girl what mess?” and they turn the pillow around.. that mess? pfft come on.

but then you walk into a house that its just a hot mess, their hair is in a mom bun on the top of their head, toys everywhere. I respect you! Because I get it. I get that you probably tried to pick up those toys 23049230984 times and then they end up right back where you picked them up. I bet you have been doing laundry every day and it still is piled up. Don’t worry I get it!

There is no one more beautiful to me then someone that walks around with their imperfections and owns it! Because what is perfect?? Nothing… we all have something going on, why hide it. Be YOU… always be you.

Don’t ever think that you need to pretend to be someone else, have to run around and clean up the house quickly because I am coming over. Don’t think that you need to change out of your PJs because I am coming over, Girl tell me i will come over in mine! Because lord knows I dont even want to change myself.

You know what, if we show our kids not to hide who they are, maybe they will grow up to not hide their true selves from anyone. Your friends and family and kids dont need a perfect pinterest house, They dont need a outfit that matches or all the same mugs or cups. They just need YOU.

It may be cute to have your kids all dressed in designer clothes, or all the hottest furniture of 2019. Kids grow up fast, they rather you be spending time with them instead of worrying about the house being a mess… Make that fort with them and let them play with those toys, let the sink pile up because your child wants to play cards.

I am okay with everyone seeing who I really am, because it helps me find the ones that truely understand me. The ones that Id rather be around.

I am enough. and so are you!