Normalcy…

“The kids need some sort of normalcy. So that is why they need to go to school” This Is what I keep hearing… Okay cool, I get it, I honestly do. 

What kids see as a normal school year… school trips, seeing friends, hugging their friends that they haven’t seen in forever, hugging their teachers that they haven’t seen in forever, fun recesses, pizza days, milk days… a normal school year right? 

That’s not what’s going to happen when they go back this fall.  

What they are going to get is… 

No school trips… they can’t gather in groups to go on a fun trip somewhere and learn… it is not safe. It would be too much for the teachers to make sure no one touches anything, everyone washes their hands, not to mention the bus ride there?

No backpacks… Some schools are telling parents their kids are not allowed to wear backpacks, but lunch boxes are okay… so please enlighten me on how they are supposed to bring homework home? Or library books? Or projects back to school… you are telling me my kids will have to lug all this by hand? Including their lunch box? 

No normal recess… Some schools are making little circles for your kid to sit in and play outside… that means they have to stay in this circle alone… no playgrounds because it would be too much to clean… no playing with friends because you have to say 6 feet apart. 

Wearing a mask… This alone is not ‘normal’ I am not saying that people shouldn’t wear a mask, yes safety first… but can you honestly tell me that a child is going to want to wear a mask on their face all day?? Some schools say they can take the mask off in class? Okay, but doesn’t that defeat the purpose they are still around a teacher and other students? Can you honestly say that a kindergartner is going to wear this mask all day? Oh, you have to teach them that wearing a mask is important, well we have to teach them that picking their nose is bad but oh there is little jimmy digging for gold when no one is looking. 

No pizza or milk days… Yes, I get it, this one is a luxury, but some kids thrive for these days, these little incentives helps kids want to be at school. These little incentives kids get excited about. 

Bullies or the kids who think they are funny… What about the kids that don’t like teachers? Or bullies… what if a kid gets mad at the teacher and spits or coughs obnoxiously at them because they don’t want to listen? What about the bullies that will spit and cough and push or steal other people’s masks because they just don’t like your kid? Send them to the office? Well have you seen the office, it’s a tiny little space there is only so much space you can send a kid to wait for their parents to come and get them. 

No hugging or touching… No hugging has been a rule since the dawn of time for schools, but your child hasn’t seen their favourite teacher or their best friend and god knows how long, you’re telling me that they are not going to want to hug them? “Omg Stacy I haven’t seen you in forever!” *big hug* nope, not allowed that… No touchy. 

Cleaning… There has been back and forth with this one… one day it was closing every Wednesday so they can do a big clean, then its kids have to go back to school 5 days a week and they will have to clean at night… then it’s the kids and teachers have to clean… because that sounds safe to me and not like the teachers don’t have enough to do. 

And that’s is me just hitting a few things… These things are not normal. The kids will not have a normal school year. I get that some parents cannot afford to not to go work… I get that. But please stop telling me that kids need some normalcy and put going back to school on that list because I promise you it will NOT be normal for them… it will cause them 10 times more stress then you think.  

Do I have all the answers to make sure everyone is happy with that choice in how schools will be? No. 

Can I help you make the choice to if you should allow your kids back to school? No. Every family is different, you make the choice what sees fit for your family.

Is there one option better than the other? No. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Sending your kids to school you are possibly sending your kids into an unsafe environment, keeping your kids home they are not getting the socialization, but even if you do send them I doubt socialization would happen anyways.  

Parenting right now, in this pandemic is a dumpster fire. There seems to be no right choices on how to do things. There is no parenting book on “How to raise your kids in a pandemic” We are all losing our minds here and brains are hurting, from overthinking our overthinking, trying to figure out the best plan for our kids. There seems to not be enough wine or coffee to fix things.

Just breathe. We can get through this.

My kids turned into slobs, during quarantine.

I am tired of it.

My house looks like a party that I wasn’t invited to. It is always a giant mess. No matter how much I pick up, sweep, clean. 

I have always taught my kids to be respectful and clean up after yourselves. I have always taught them responsibility is key. 

But somehow that went right out the window since they have been home due to Covid 19. 

Every single day I am repeating myself constantly to pick up your wrappers, to put your dishes in the sink or dishwasher, pick up your toys. I sound like a damn broken record. 

At this point I don’t even know why I fold their laundry, because I go into their rooms and it looks like a bunch of monkeys went in rummaging through their dressers. 

I yell “If you don’t pick up these legos, I’m just going to vacuum them up!” 

Which they don’t and then I vacuum them up and honestly I don’t even think they notice. 

I have put their toys in the toy jail and I am pretty sure they are collecting dust they haven’t even noticed or care. 

Yelling “I am bored!” well I have a list of lovely things you can do! Now all of a sudden nobodies bored. 

Soon they are going to be completely out of toys and I bet you 100% they are going to somehow make a mess with 3 toys. 

I am hoping and I am praying that when this is all over or one day when they are older they will start picking up after themselves because I will not be going to their houses and cleaning… I keep repeating to myself because I have a feeling it is going to drive me up the wall if their house is a mess. 

I will continue to tell them to clean up, I will continue to tell them to respect your things… hoping one day they will get it.

Distant Memories

When I was younger I felt the days went by so slow. Sitting at my desk in school, watching the clock, tick tick tick. Waiting for the bell to ring, then booking it out of the school as fast as I could. 

Summertime, daydreaming when I am finally old enough to do all the things that only adults can do. Daydreaming  by my big willow tree on my farm. It was my favorite place to be. 

Now that I have kids, I want it to slow down. Life seems to be going 100 miles per hour. Like driving in the fast lane with no cars. Never in the slow lane. 

Just busy parenting, keeping the house in order and working. I find myself often just sitting and watching the kids play in the pool. Thinking “Where did the time go?, I swear it was just yesterday they were babies” 

I will be the first to admit that I struggle to stop and smell the roses. I will be in the middle of laundry or dishes and the kids ask to play “Let me just finish these” The dishes and laundry will be there later, your kids grow up so fast. 

A first birthday is so exciting, yet you mourn the fact that your baby is growing up. To be honest for me, it seems to be every birthday. Even with 4 kids you would think that I have learned by now, they do in fact have to grow up. Not stay babies forever, since my oldest is 11. 

The pain of childbirth and holding your new baby in your hands. 

Watching them take their first steps and eating solid foods for the first time. 

No sleep and sore nipples. 

Them exploring the amazing adventures the world has to offer. 

Becomes a distant memory. 

I know I cannot stop time. All we can do is soak it all in because one day, I will miss the house being a mess, I will be sitting in my living room missing the sounds of little feet running in and yelling “Mommy, look what I did” I will miss cutting the crust of the sandwiches. I will miss this. All of this. 

I am going to try my best to take it all in. When my son wants a random hug, I will get down to his level and give him a big hug and hold him there for a minute, even if he squirms. When they ask me to play, I will set down the laundry or dishes and go and play with them. 

Don’t get me wrong I am excited to watch them grow into amazing adults and see where life takes them. — To watch their little personalities grow to be big ones. To see their drive to get their dream jobs. 

I hear people say “Make these the best days of your life!” But I don’t want these to JUST be the best days, I don’t want to be sad when it’s all done and my best days are behind us. Instead I am going to make these days happy and fun and full of life. I want to continue to have the best days when they are older too and have kids themselves. 

I am going to continue to help my children have the best tools to be able to grow up and be respectful, caring adults. 

I am going to have more movie nights with all the fixings, popcorn, chips and candy. 

I am going to put my phone down and computer down and soak in the laughter. 

I am going to make more time for myself and my husband so that we have enough energy to keep up with them. 

I want to look back at these days and remember that I enjoyed every single moment of them being babies and small kids and teenagers. I don’t want to look back and regret that I didn’t put down my phone or laundry to look at what they were doing. 

I want to look back and know that everything I did, helped shape them to be amazing adults. 

I would not change it for the world

Are those all your kids? Yes, Yes they are! 

I get this question often.  I get the looks,  the “wow I feel sorry for you” looks.
I get a complete stranger coming up to me saying “You must have your hands full” 

Yes, yes I do, but so is my heart. 

My days are longer, my laundry room is overflowing. 
Sometimes I am so stressed that I need to take a minute in the jeep. 

I would not change it for the world. 

Even when one kid is throwing a fit in one room, another kid is dumping Lego everywhere, another kid is opening all the cupboards and not closing them, and another kid is playing their music so loud I cannot even hear myself think.

I would not change it for the world. 

Of course, I could imagine a quiet place, for at least 24 hours. On a beach with some wine and a good book. I would miss them, I would miss the loud and I would find that couple with the loud kids at the pool and sit there instead because I love the crazy. I love my crazy.

I am so grateful for everything, I am grateful for the good days and the bad days. I am grateful for their smiles and their giggles and their freak outs. They are mine. They are my tiny little humans that I made in my body. I am grateful for the scar that I have because it shows me that I survived it. This scar is a reminder of them being so close to me that they could hear my heartbeat from the inside. 

I choose this over and over again. I would choose to hear their “I love you mom” I would choose their hugs, and kisses and cuddles. I would choose to fix their boo-boos and their broken hearts. I would choose when I put them to bed and they tell me what their favorite part of the day was. 

All those days where I am honestly at my wits end, I feel like nothing went right. I feel like my kids just had a rough day just like me. They were bored, they did not like the meal I made and freaked out. Then when I hear my kids tell my parents or my husband what their favorite parts of the day were… they were all the things that I thought went wrong but they loved. All those bad days were just that days because we have plenty of other days to enjoy. 

Yes, Yes my hands are full, but so is my heart. I would not change it for the world.

Homeschooling

Day 56…

Every week my youngest who is in JK, the teacher will do a student of the week. Who has been working really hard online. Getting all their work done. They get a trophy with their names on it and a “Huge awesome work” from their teachers

Don’t get me wrong I love seeing other little ones working hard, but for me it’s a reminder that mine are struggling.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Now I do understand that their work is not being marked. This is just to keep their brains fresh. Every time I read it I get a knot in my stomach.

It’s a reminder that I am not doing my 100%. It ‘s a reminder that all these other parents are doing an amazing job at this home schooling thing and I am over here behind.

My son throws a huge tantrum every time he has to do work. Of course why would he want to he’s at home, we don’t do school work at home and even though we have been at this for awhile. He still does not want to do it.

Every now and then he will want to do something, I have done everything I could possible to get him to do it. He is just not feeling it.

Honestly I don’t think any parent has really mastered this. It is knew to everyone. Knew to the parents, knew to the kids, knew to the teachers. This is a big step in learning and we are all struggling.

We have to make sure that we are not getting lost in the due dates, and the marks, and the other parents getting more done then you are. Kids all work at different paces and different emotions. We have to take all this with a grain of salt and day by day.

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Most parents are stressed about all this. Most parents are saying they have no idea what they are doing and trying to do their best. Kids just want to be home and play, not do work.

We are all being forced to be teachers and parents at the same time and kids just don’t understand why they have to because they are not at school.

Take it day by day. If you made it through the day then you did it! If your child did ONE thing on the computer then you did it! They did it!

I think we all need to stop being so hard on ourselves, we need to stop comparing ourselves to other parents and our kids to their kids. We are not all the same.

Keep rocking this mom life, drink some coffee, drink some wine. Rock that shit!

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TOMORROW I will do better

I am all touched out.

I am all talked out.

I am all schooled out.

I am all cooked out.

I am stretched thin.

I took a minute in the car today. I told everyone I needed a minute. I went to the car and I sat in the car silence. No phone. No music. Just the sound of nature and my coffee.

I started to cry. I have been pushed and pulled in every direction. I have cooked breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. I have heard “Mama” “Mom” “Mommy” so many times, I feel like I am the only one on this planet that can help them. Because we all know that not being able to open fruit snacks is the end of the world.

They will completely walk past their father and go all the way to the end of the house just to find me or scream for me while I am in the bathroom.

Do they know he too holds the power of opening fruit snacks and finding things around the house. Even though I am sure he will yell for me too asking where to find it.

In the car I thought about all the things that I was going to do with my life. I was going to have my own animal rescue. I was going to be the towns go to place when they could no longer take care of their animals and needed a place that they knew the loved pet can go. A place for people to bring the animals that they find that needs that extra love. I was going to go to school to become a vet. Take care of the 4 legged family members that we all love so very much.

Instead I am watching all the people that I grew up with enjoy their dreams. Become who they always wanted to become and I am here drinking my cold coffee because I have been running around trying to help 4 kids with their online schooling that I left it on the counter. I am here trying to convince my 4 year old that if he eats his veggies he will grow up and be big and strong. I am here telling my 11 year old that bossing her siblings around is not okay. I am here running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

I am to the point where I am about to give in. Sure have ice cream for breakfast, Sure watch that whole season on the TV, sure play mine-craft all day. Because honestly I am way too tired to have the energy to process life. Way too tired to try and win these battles.

I promise you I love being a mom.

My kids are my everything. I could not imagine my life without them. I would give them the shirt off my back if I had too, but I would be lying if I would give anything to also have more time to myself. To hang out with my friends without getting up every 2 seconds to tend to a little version of myself.

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I am constantly being touched, hung on, climbed on. My personal space no longer exists.

Their needs are never ending

Their questions are never ending

My sanity, is for sure ending

I am always tired. Like permanently tired. At this point I feel like that It’s normal. This is just me now. I know one day, when they are all grown up. I will miss this. I will miss their questions and their moms I need yous. The house will be too quiet.

But today I needed a minute. I needed a minute to let it all out in my car alone. I needed a reset. I needed to show myself that I am still human and not the energizer bunny. I reached the I AM DONE point.

Then they go to bed and my world is silent. I look at them while they are sleeping and I question myself as to why I even needed that minute because they are so cute and cuddly. These tiny little humans that I created made me completely loose my mind that I went to my car and cried and questioned my life. I feel the guilt set in. I feel guilty that I yelled “Mommy needs a minute”

I kiss them on the cheeks and whisper, Mommy is sorry. Mommy was not her best today.

Tomorrow I will do better

Make time, because time doesn’t wait for us.

The past few weeks, it has really hit me that time does not wait for anyone. That it just creeps up on you realizing that it goes by so fast, you blink and its 30 years later. It clearly doesn’t work that way but that’s how it feels.

Growing up it feels like you have all this time. Time to think of what you want to do when you’re older, all the time with your parents. But flash forward you are 30 and married with 4 kids of your own to raise.

You’re parents raise you to the best of their abilities. As a parent myself I have realized that is no easy task. One of the things I have learned is that the moments of reassureness, relief and pride are far in between. When you think you have everything under control something comes creeping in out of no where. It is hard to feel like you are really ‘Succeeding’ at this whole parenting thing.

As I said time doesn’t stand still as we get older so do our parents and I feel like many of us forget this. Many of us say “I am too busy to visit I will soon” Sometimes that soon never comes.

Life should come full circle. Your parents take care of you when you’re young, you should take care of them when they are older. Even if its just by visiting, bringing them tea/coffee. Just by showing them that you appreciated everything that they have done for you and continue to do for you.

You are never too old to want to make your mom proud and I am so happy that mine is proud of me. I am so happy that my mom raised me the way she did because that is helping me truck through being a mom myself. Being a strong woman.

Every day, that we doubt ourselves, they doubted themselves.

But hey we survived, we are here. Repeating everything they have taught us. I got so much by being their daughter. Learning from them, watching them is now a rippling effect with my children.

They taught me not only by teaching and telling but by just being themselves. They showed me how to be happy, how to live a productive and meaningful life. Giving us the ability to survive and thrive.

They taught me before you leave this world to make it a better place for our kids, and to teach our kids to do the same. My parents live every day doing things without wanted gratitude or praise just by doing the right thing giving to others, being their for others. Treating people the way you want to be treated.

Our elders have been through it all and we are just starting. No its not the same world and we may have to tweak it a bit but they gave us the building blocks and we need to build from it.

So much of who we are is because of them. The good, the bad, the ugly. But that all has made us stronger.

The past few weeks I have realized that time is not always there. That with a blink of an eye they could be gone. That we will wish that we did more things. That we had more time.

So make that time now. Go for that coffee. Go for that chat about god knows what. see your parents more. They went from seeing us every day, making our meals, coming to our events. To barely seeing us at all. To be honest thinking about my kids growing up and doing the same would kill me. I want them to visit me as often as they can.

So make the time. Time doesn’t wait for us.

Meditation during pregnancy

During pregnancy you have so many things to worry about, the fact that you are about to bring this beautiful baby into this world. All the things that you need to get ready, prepare for. We all tend to forget about ourselves. It is important that during all this crazy chaos of bringing a baby in the world that you take time for yourself.

Meditation has so many benefits for your body and even your mind. Meditation can be used before pregnancy, during and even after But today I will talk about Pregnancy Meditation.

One of the top things your doctor will tell you is listen to your body, and if you are anything like me you answer with “How?”
Meditation will help you listen to your body, relax your mind, and listen to that small heart beat.

There are tons of benefits of practicing Meditation:

  • It can help you reduce stress
  • Helps control anxiety
  • Helps with emotional health
  • Helps with self-awareness
  • Helps keep you focused
  • Helps improve sleep
  • Helps control pain
  • Can decrease blood pressure

Finding a comfortable position is important

You may have been doing meditation for awhile, or maybe you are a newbie. As your belly grows finding a way to be comfortable is difficult regardless. Meditation is best done sitting up right, but sometimes it is very difficult to do even more so when you are in your third trimester. Don’t stress to much about the way you are doing it, the most important thing is find a way to be comfortable to do your meditation. I found the best way to do this was laying down on my side, with a pillow between my legs.

Focus on your beautiful bump

Mama you are growing a human inside you, focus all your energy to what is going on inside your belly. Try some deep belly breathing techniques. Breath in and out slowly, deep inside your belly. Start shorter periods at first and the more you do it, go a little longer each time. Start at 3 minutes.

The waves of a beautiful ocean

So during pregnancy, and even during labor this one can really help. Sometimes you can get braxton hicks contractions during your pregnancy, these are ‘fake contractions’ these can really hurt. So one meditation technique is to pretend each contraction is waves coming in and out. Visualize a way coming in when it hits the peak of the pain, breath in and then when the pain is subsiding, picture the wave going back out, and breath out.

Humming a tune to your baby

During pregnancy we start to think of all the things that could happen, or all the things that we just don’t understand and we start to over think everything. When should I pack my hospital bag, when should I start thinking about the baby room, what names are we going to pick. Why am I having this pain, what is this pain. Our minds start going a mile a minute. We all know that famous “Hum” sound during meditation and some people find it very silly. Personally I think its the best thing to do when you’re lost in thought. It helps you clear your mind and focus on the sound of your voice and nothing else. So instead of thinking it is some weird thing you are saying while sitting there, think of it as you humming a tune to your baby. Find your comfortable spot, and hummmm to your baby. Focus all your thoughts on the sound of your voice and visualize your baby hearing your beautiful voice.

Concept Meditation [Find your happy place]

So you just bought a crib and change table set and the instructions are all crazy you and your husband can’t figure out what is even going on. You start to argue and stress levels just start going through the roof. Here is what you do to calm yourself down. Hey! even let your husband join in! This could also benefit him as well. Find your happy place. Think of the place that you love the most, for example you are in a rain forest, all you hear is the rain coming down and the animals making their beautiful music. Focus on the sound of the rain and the trees blowing in the wind. Ignore all outside noises and just breath. Continue this till you feel your stress levels come down and start that crib and change table in a different mind set.

Let’s get grounded

No I don’t mean I am going to send you to your room for 5 minutes so you can think about your actions. I mean get up and start walking. No only does this help you prepare your mind but it also helps prepare your body for labor. Choose a good place to concentrate on your breathing and pace. Pay attention to your steps and the feeling of the floor or carpet and maybe even the grass between your toes or even your feet on the beach in the sand or water.



If you have any concerns please talk to your doctor before trying meditation.

Meditation can help in so many ways, if you are not comfortable doing them alone, maybe try and join a meditation class! I promise you, that you wont be disappointed in the results of meditation. Even continue after you have the baby.

I hope this will help you have a happier and healthier experience during your pregnancy!

I felt robbed

I feel like my body failed me.
This was not how it was suppose to be.
My pregnancies were all normal, I felt like I was a “easy patient”

Every time I went in for my appointment “Everything looks great” “Right on track” So the end game was not at all what I was expecting.

Getting pregnant at 19, was not my plan. I planned to go to collage and become a vet, or at least anything to do with animals. Life has a way of challenging you. I was taking my birth control every day like clock work, using condoms. I had nothing to worry about right? Well I was wrong.

I was wrong because I made a mistake… at 19 years old, you are considered an adult but you still make those mistakes. We didn’t use a condom and well shocker I got pregnant.

So now here I am pregnant at 19… I needed to change my future. Now I have to not only think about myself but think about this bundle that I am bringing into the world. I was scared, nervous.. Was I going to be a good mom? What will be my birthing plan?

I wanted to do it normal, and by normal I mean vaginally. I had it all planned out to the T. Yet again life throws in a curve ball.

The morning that I gave birth went like any normal day. My boyfriend at the time, my kids father. Went off to work. I didn’t feel right. I woke up with a really bad stomach ache. I tried laying down, drinking more water. Even took a bath and nothing was working. So I called my boyfriend saying, I think you need to come back something is just not right.

Off to the hospital we went with my hospital bag, my birthing plan the whole 9 yards. Was this it? Was this the time we get to meet our child?

Waiting in the hospital bed, hooked up to all the crazy machines. Nurses coming in and out not telling us a damn thing. I finally asked “What going on? Am I giving birth today or not?” The nurses looked at each other then looked at us. That’s when my heart dropped…

What was going on? Was our baby okay? Did I do something wrong?

Nurse 1 said “There is something going on with your babies heart rate, every time you get a contraction, the heart rate goes down” So at this point I am bawling my eyes out. 20 years old and I am giving birth to my first child. I am already scared enough then this happens?

Fast forward my doctor gave me a shot to speed up the process so that I can give birth quickly… I was fully dilated and it was time to push. I kept pushing and pushing. Meanwhile my babies heart rate was still going down. So my doctor made the choice. “We need to do an emergency csection”

Emergency csection… wait what?

My mind was going a mile a minute.. Everything was blurry… I was freaking out. They roll me into the room. I remember how cold it was in that room. I remember all the nurses and doctors running around me. No one was speaking to me, they were all speaking softly to themselves.

I felt nothing from the waste down, besides the pressure and then pushing and pulling and moving my body. I couldn’t do anything because they had this big sheet up.

I heard the cry…

I took the biggest breath ever… I felt like the whole time I was holding it in. That cry… was the best sound I have heard in my entire life. I never thought I could want something so bad. All the worry and the scares and everything just went away the minute I heard our baby cry.

The doctors told me that the cord was wrapped around her neck twice. Her poor little face was purple and you could see on the top of her head where she started to come out when I was pushing. She was perfect.

They pushed me into a room for recovery, without my baby. Without the little human that I was waiting for long to hold and to just stare at. I felt robbed. No skin to skin. No magically joy of them pulling her out of me and my boyfriend cutting the cord. There was none of that. I am laying here after all that alone.

I had to stay in the hospital bed for 2 days hooked up. I wasn’t aloud getting out of it. I was in so much pain that I could barely sit up to feed her or to change her.

I see other ladies getting out of the hospital the second day and here I am still here. I hear all these lovely stories about them being able to do skin to skin and holding their babies for the first time right after before anyone else. I didn’t

I felt like my body failed me.

When I got home I was still in so much pain… I remember crying while in the shower and my boyfriend had to help me wash. I remember crying when he helped me put on my clothes and shoes if we needed to go out. Which wasn’t often right after the csection. Why was I in so much pain? Was I just weak and couldn’t handle the pain? Was this pain not normal? I had no idea what was happening. Since before giving birth I read all these books and researched all about giving birth but never once thought that I would be having a csection.

I remember looking at my scar thinking, I hate you so much. I remember thinking my body now wont ever go back to being the same because of this stupid scar. I remember thinking now my body is ugly.

What I came to understand is the first 2 weeks after a csection is the hardest. It actually takes a full 6 weeks for you to be able to go back to fully functioning.

I wish that I knew this. I wish that I did more research about csections before giving birth. I wish that I knew that I could bond with my baby in different ways like me holding her and breastfeeding which I did but my head was just so wrapped around the fact that I couldn’t do it all right away.

As a new mom at 20 I was the strongest yet most weakest I have ever been. I will forever hold on to this birth story because it changed me. It made me understand that your plan is never 100%, it made me understand that life doesn’t always go the way we planned it.

I wouldn’t change it for the world. My very smart 10 year old daughter now makes me remember it every day, that everything happens for a reason, and it was worth it.

MARRIAGE IS NOT EASY

Marriage is not easy.

You wont find the person that you click with on everything, because every single person has a different view.

You wont find a person that is perfect because perfect doesn’t exist.

You wont find a person that has all the same interests as you because we all like different things.

What you will find, is a person that has perfect imperfections just like you.

What you will find, is a person that challenges you in every single way, because when you fight its all about learning how to deal with what is bothering both of you and get through it.

What you will find, is your soul mate that fits YOU perfectly, because your heart finds a person that you know will follow you to the ends of this earth and back.

I watch my husband struggle every day, to go to a job he doesn’t love, but he knows he has to, because he has a family to take care of. I watch my husband struggle when he gets home to stay awake and help me and to see the kids but he is just so tired that he can hardly stay awake. I watch my husband get mad at things really easy because hes struggling to be happy with his job and takes it out on us. I watch my husband struggle because he feels bad for taking it out on us.

Sometimes he will leave for work without giving me a kiss, sometimes I get mad for him not helping me around the house more.
Sometimes he will come home with something for me because he knows I have had a bad day.
Sometimes I just let him sleep because I know he’s had a bad day.

Marriage is not easy

You see your partner going through all this, you see the bad parts of a person, but you also see the good parts. You see them when they are sad, and being so stubborn. You also see them when they are happy and laughing and that laugh just makes you melt and you remember all over again why you married them.

You see them at 2 am, when everyone else is asleep. Talking about your future and what you hope for. You get to see the side of them that no one else does. Sometimes its not pretty and other times its amazing.

It is farting.
It is bad breath.
It is random dances when your favorite songs come on.
It is random I love yous
It is never leaving you even those you have said some nasty things.

It is someone having your back always even those they don’t agree with it. It is supporting someone through every new adventure when they are do scared at doing it, but also very excited about the future.

Marriage is not easy.

It is fighting over stupid things, and realize that it was stupid and holding onto it because you don’t want to admit you were wrong, and then they do something silly that makes your laugh and you realize the fight is just not worth it.

It is falling asleep in each others arms, thinking that their just is not enough time with each other. It is falling asleep not cuddling because you both are just so tired at the end of the day you pass out.

It’s cleaning up their messes, it’s taking care of them when they are sick. It is the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding thing you can do.

Because at the end of the day, after everything that went on and was crazy, you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, your partner, the most annoying, the weirdest, loving, goofy person that you know.

Marriage is not easy.

But it is the best feeling knowing, that you have someone to Always have your back.