Arbitrary Rules…

I just read this on Quora and really liked the lesson

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.

When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by. I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.“ What are you struggling with?” he asked. I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.” Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you? ”I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it. I wanted to have something more substantial. Something more profound. But I didn’t. So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes. “I felt like an idiot even saying it. What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes? But my therapist nodded in understanding and then said: “RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me. “Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules. ”It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express. That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times. I felt like I had conquered a dragon. The next day, I took a shower lying down. A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit. There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again. Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry. But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson: THERE ARE NO RULES. RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE!!!

As I read this it really sunk in… we have all these ‘rules’ but who gave us these rules? It is like we read it somewhere or our parents told us this is how its suppose to be and now they are just imbedded in our heads.

I have always made a meal together with the family even if I had to make separate meals because the kids wouldn’t eat what I was making but I made it all together regardless last night, I made the kids dinner first then mine and my husbands later when he got home from work, It was amazing… I was able to eat my whole meal without being interrupted several times. And the best part was…. my dinner stayed warm the whole time I was eating it because I wasn’t getting up several times to help the kids!

We set the bar so high for us that, rules so high to follow that we just mentaly cannot take it anymore.

How about today you do something different, live on the wild side.. throw out some rules that you have been doing for many years for reasons you have no idea why but because you felt you HAD too…

Dishes need to be done right away after dinner…. why? the dishes will still be there later. Watch that show before the dishes get done…

Laundry cant pile up… why? The laundry will still be there later… read that book that you have been dying to read.

run the dish washer twice…. because life is too short. Stressing over these arbitrary rules…

Drink wine in the morning and coffee at night… 😉 rules….

I promise I am going to do my best

I will be the first to admit I am no teacher and with how schooling went back in march I know this is going to be a hot mess. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

I am not going to have all the answers because it has been a while since I was in school and so much has changed since then. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

I may have to stop a hundred times to go help each of your siblings because there are 4 of you, but I will come back and help you as soon as I can. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

You want to do your work outside, go for it. I am not going to stop you from doing your work because you want a change of space. Why should your education suffer because of it?

I promise I am going to do my best. 

You want to have a PaJama day, go for it. What you are wearing doesn’t stop you from doing your schoolwork. You just want to be nice and warm and cozy.  

I promise I am going to do my best. 

Your school days don’t have to look normal, as long as your work is done and you are learning something, I am okay with that. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

You miss your friends, I know. This is just to keep you safe. This is not forever, this is just for now. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

There is going to be sometimes where it is really hard to want to do school work. There are going to be times where you have had enough. Once we get through your schoolwork we can do something fun, I promise. 

There are going to be times where you wake up unmotivated to do your work, me too. You can do anything if you set your mind to it, we are in this together. 

I promise I am going to do my best. 

This is new to all of us, but I know that we can get through this. I know that this is just a speed bump that we will drive right over.

My sweet boy, can we just freeze time.

It has been a really long day. 

The sun was so hot that I was sweating in places that I didn’t even think was possible. 

While I was sitting on my computer, just browsing Facebook. You grabbed your blanket and snuggled up beside me and fell asleep. You told me all you wanted was a hug, so I did, but then you quickly fell asleep. 

You are twitching, you must be having an intense dream. I always wondered what you are dreaming about. Your skin is so soft and your hair smells like sweet lavender from the shampoo. 

My arm is falling asleep but I don’t want to move. I just want to freeze time so we can stay like this forever. 

You are still small… Still small enough to curl up into a ball. Small enough to still fit in my lap. Small enough that I can still call you my baby. 

I am in no hurry to get up, I will just continue to sit here listening to the sound of your breathing. Running my hand through your hair. 

You just seem so peaceful. I am sure there are tons of things that I could be doing, like the dishes or the laundry. I probably should get dinner ready. But I just want to freeze time so we can stay like this forever. 

I know that days are short, and I probably won’t get many more days like this as you get older. At some point, you will be ‘too cool’ for cuddles. So I am going to take this moment in. 

You are growing up so fast, you are doing more things for yourself like a big boy. You no longer need me to tie your shoes, You no longer need me to pick out what you are going to wear that day. 

But right now, in this moment you need me. You need my cuddles. So I will stay here for as long as you need me. I will cuddle you for as long as you sleep. 

My sweet boy, can we just freeze time, so we can stay like this forever.

My daughter is a tween and I am struggling

I am struggling these days to come to the realization that my beautiful baby girl is no longer a baby… but a tween. 

Every now and then I get a glimpse of the little girl she once was. I am struggling to know when to come in and when to step back and let her find her way. 

I miss playing with her hair, putting them in cute little braided pigtails. I still ask if I can do her hair but I get “I got it mom” 

I just feel like I blinked and Mommy, became mom. 

She is still not a teenager, but yet I get the rolling of the eyes, the dragging feet and the big huge signs. 

She is not a little girl anymore, but sometimes she still loves to pretend and play with her LOL dolls on the rare occasion but they are mostly collecting dust on display. 

She no longer needs me like she used to, she doesn’t rely on me to tie her shoes or fix her shirt. 

During this new phase of life, she won’t need me for the little things but she will need me for the bigger things. 

The idea of her growing up scares me and changing scares the shit out of me. 

I remember the first time she crawled and the first time she walked, all her firsts I was there to help her along the way. Now when she accomplishes something or does a new first, I will still be there to cheer her on, she just won’t need my help like she used too. 

When I hear people say “Wow she is just like you” It makes me feel warm inside but yet a little scared. I was a wild child. So carefree. I let the world just take me in the wind. As much as I learnt my lessons along the way. I am scared for her. I want to do everything in my power to protect her from what life will bring her but yet I know I know I need to let go of the sails and let her take over. 

I am just not ready, I feel it is too soon. I remember like it was yesterday when they handed me this cute little chubby girl wrapped in a pink little blanket. 

For now she still waits for me to come in and kiss her goodnight, for now she still sits on the counter while I am making dinner, which was her telling me all her barbie names now she talks about what’s going on in the YouTube word and her live streams but I will take it. I will take in every single moment of it, because one day, that spot on the counter will be empty.