I am struggling these days to come to the realization that my beautiful baby girl is no longer a baby… but a tween.
Every now and then I get a glimpse of the little girl she once was. I am struggling to know when to come in and when to step back and let her find her way.
I miss playing with her hair, putting them in cute little braided pigtails. I still ask if I can do her hair but I get “I got it mom”
I just feel like I blinked and Mommy, became mom.
She is still not a teenager, but yet I get the rolling of the eyes, the dragging feet and the big huge signs.
She is not a little girl anymore, but sometimes she still loves to pretend and play with her LOL dolls on the rare occasion but they are mostly collecting dust on display.
She no longer needs me like she used to, she doesn’t rely on me to tie her shoes or fix her shirt.
During this new phase of life, she won’t need me for the little things but she will need me for the bigger things.
The idea of her growing up scares me and changing scares the shit out of me.
I remember the first time she crawled and the first time she walked, all her firsts I was there to help her along the way. Now when she accomplishes something or does a new first, I will still be there to cheer her on, she just won’t need my help like she used too.
When I hear people say “Wow she is just like you” It makes me feel warm inside but yet a little scared. I was a wild child. So carefree. I let the world just take me in the wind. As much as I learnt my lessons along the way. I am scared for her. I want to do everything in my power to protect her from what life will bring her but yet I know I know I need to let go of the sails and let her take over.
I am just not ready, I feel it is too soon. I remember like it was yesterday when they handed me this cute little chubby girl wrapped in a pink little blanket.
For now she still waits for me to come in and kiss her goodnight, for now she still sits on the counter while I am making dinner, which was her telling me all her barbie names now she talks about what’s going on in the YouTube word and her live streams but I will take it. I will take in every single moment of it, because one day, that spot on the counter will be empty.