Being a mother is a thankless job

Being a mother is a thankless job. 

We do the things, and don’t expect a thank you, or a good job. 

We don’t wait to be asked to do something, we just do it.

But it’s always nice to hear and when we do hear it, it makes us feel more appreciated that someone noticed that we did something, even though that something happens every day. 

Even though we have done all the things and more. I still ask myself “Did i do enough?” “Did I miss something that I should have done?”

To be seen and encouraged by the people that mean the most to you, the people that you do the most for, it’s just amazing. 

What I long to hear, and I promise it’s pretty simple spouses and children… 

“I noticed that you cleaned _____  and it looks awesome”

I am constantly cleaning the kids’ bedrooms, and the kitchen and the living room and doing the laundry, but I feel like it’s just expected and it’s kinda sad. I promise you it’s not some magical cleaning fairy. 

“Thank you mom for everything you do”

I am constantly picking up after them, constantly finding this and that. “Mom where’s my ___” the fact that you don’t even have to finish the sentence means I am paying attention more than you think

“Thank you for spending time to prepare this dinner for us”

Man, the amount of time lately that I have been making all the meals, I cannot wait till we can eat take out again without being scared. I would rather thank yous then, ew this is gross or why did you make this tonight. I wanted that. 

“Wow you have a way with the kids, you are amazing”

Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I am doing, sometimes I feel like the kids are just feral and It’s really hard sometimes to get them under control. 

“The kids and I are so lucky to have you”

I feel like I am just here to make sure the house runs smoothly, sometimes I feel like I am a robot and everyone just expects me to pick and clean up after them. 

These simple words.. These simple thank yous just make everything better, they just make it seem like you are completely appreciated in the house! 

I know they do me! 

Self care should not be optional.

As mother’s or women, we are told that we must take care of everyone else before we can take care of ourselves. 

Even as far back as the 18th century woman stayed home and took care of the farm and the children. That was our role. 

If we decided to do something for ourselves we were considered selfish or a witch. 

By constantly taking care of everyone else, you end up losing yourself. 

Putting everyone first before yourself doesn’t make you a good mother or wife, you’re not being your best self by not taking care of YOU

You end up just in survival mode. Just simply going through the emotions. Pretending like everything’s okay. 

A mombie. 

Taking care of yourself doesn’t have to involve spending money. Take a longer bath, read that book that has been collecting dust on your dresser. Do that free online course that you have been wanting to take, or even spend a little money to do something for yourself.

 IT IS OKAY!! 

Today, I added some 2 things to my amazon cart and freaked out because it was 30 bucks and I went over and over again in my head all the things that the kids said they wanted or needed and I hummed and hawwed at the fact oh maybe I shouldn’t get it. But I did it. I hit the order. I felt a little bad at first but at the same time pretty excited, happy that I got something for myself. 

Self care should not be optional.

According to a survey by healthy women and working mothers,  78% of moms put off doing anything for themselves first. Mothers were 5th down the line… they came after their pets even!!

I get it, there is not enough time in the day. I feel at this point that is just an excuse… take some time. Set that time aside. As your spouse, okay it’s time for me time… or even later when everyone is asleep. Have that extra long bath or shower or watch that show you have been dying to watch. Yes you might be tired in the morning but coffee could fix that! 

I promise once you take that time for yourself you will feel so much better!

I would not change it for the world

Are those all your kids? Yes, Yes they are! 

I get this question often.  I get the looks,  the “wow I feel sorry for you” looks.
I get a complete stranger coming up to me saying “You must have your hands full” 

Yes, yes I do, but so is my heart. 

My days are longer, my laundry room is overflowing. 
Sometimes I am so stressed that I need to take a minute in the jeep. 

I would not change it for the world. 

Even when one kid is throwing a fit in one room, another kid is dumping Lego everywhere, another kid is opening all the cupboards and not closing them, and another kid is playing their music so loud I cannot even hear myself think.

I would not change it for the world. 

Of course, I could imagine a quiet place, for at least 24 hours. On a beach with some wine and a good book. I would miss them, I would miss the loud and I would find that couple with the loud kids at the pool and sit there instead because I love the crazy. I love my crazy.

I am so grateful for everything, I am grateful for the good days and the bad days. I am grateful for their smiles and their giggles and their freak outs. They are mine. They are my tiny little humans that I made in my body. I am grateful for the scar that I have because it shows me that I survived it. This scar is a reminder of them being so close to me that they could hear my heartbeat from the inside. 

I choose this over and over again. I would choose to hear their “I love you mom” I would choose their hugs, and kisses and cuddles. I would choose to fix their boo-boos and their broken hearts. I would choose when I put them to bed and they tell me what their favorite part of the day was. 

All those days where I am honestly at my wits end, I feel like nothing went right. I feel like my kids just had a rough day just like me. They were bored, they did not like the meal I made and freaked out. Then when I hear my kids tell my parents or my husband what their favorite parts of the day were… they were all the things that I thought went wrong but they loved. All those bad days were just that days because we have plenty of other days to enjoy. 

Yes, Yes my hands are full, but so is my heart. I would not change it for the world.

Wine Wednesday’s isn’t just for drinking wine.

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I am sure everyone has heard of “Wine Wednesday” at some point in their lives and what is the first thing that pops in your mind. A day for drinking wine. Even though let’s be honest here I drink wine any day of the week, more so right now, since we have the time. Not shuffling off the sporting events or after school programs.

It is not just a day to drink wine for moms. Heck you don’t even have to drink wine to enjoy this day with your friends. I am sure i’m not alone in this but sometimes we feel like all we are, is a mom. Trying to have a conversation with a tiny version of ourselves every day, all day. It can get a little repetitive. Yes, we love those little turds like no other but sometimes adult conversation is nice. Hey, even if you bring the kids along then all the other kids can play together while you sit and chat about some other then “You need to wipe your bum” “Please do not sit on your sisters head” “There is tons of air in this room, you both can breathe it”

Not only does this help you have some socialization it also helps the kids too, all the kids playing together, tiring each other out and bam bedtime gets just a little easier. I know with everything going on right now its hard to get together with your friends. Why not have face-time or skype or whatever video call platform you are using and sit together on your decks and have that bottle of wine.

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Wednesday proven by Science is one of the best times to drink wine, according to bottlers Cobevco. They said its because Wednesday is the half way mark to the end of the week and everyone just feels more comfortable popping open that cork. Believe it or not but men are actually more likely then woman to open the cork at 6:40 pm and woman at 7pm. Probably because the kids become thirsty philosophers and refuse to go to bed on time.

According to medical news society, wine has a lot of health benefits to it. One bottle a day keeps the doctor away? no? It could work. There was a study done in 2018 although wine is not actually recommended for these things but the study showed that drinking wine moderately has some positive outcomes like,

  • cardiovascular disease
  • atherosclerosis
  • hypertension
  • certain types of cancer
  • type 2 diabetes
  • neurological disorders
  • metabolic syndrome

Red wine has anti inflammatory properties in it as well as antioxidant.

So grab that wine glass or bottle. I am not judging and bottoms up! You mama deserve it!

TOMORROW I will do better

I am all touched out.

I am all talked out.

I am all schooled out.

I am all cooked out.

I am stretched thin.

I took a minute in the car today. I told everyone I needed a minute. I went to the car and I sat in the car silence. No phone. No music. Just the sound of nature and my coffee.

I started to cry. I have been pushed and pulled in every direction. I have cooked breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. I have heard “Mama” “Mom” “Mommy” so many times, I feel like I am the only one on this planet that can help them. Because we all know that not being able to open fruit snacks is the end of the world.

They will completely walk past their father and go all the way to the end of the house just to find me or scream for me while I am in the bathroom.

Do they know he too holds the power of opening fruit snacks and finding things around the house. Even though I am sure he will yell for me too asking where to find it.

In the car I thought about all the things that I was going to do with my life. I was going to have my own animal rescue. I was going to be the towns go to place when they could no longer take care of their animals and needed a place that they knew the loved pet can go. A place for people to bring the animals that they find that needs that extra love. I was going to go to school to become a vet. Take care of the 4 legged family members that we all love so very much.

Instead I am watching all the people that I grew up with enjoy their dreams. Become who they always wanted to become and I am here drinking my cold coffee because I have been running around trying to help 4 kids with their online schooling that I left it on the counter. I am here trying to convince my 4 year old that if he eats his veggies he will grow up and be big and strong. I am here telling my 11 year old that bossing her siblings around is not okay. I am here running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

I am to the point where I am about to give in. Sure have ice cream for breakfast, Sure watch that whole season on the TV, sure play mine-craft all day. Because honestly I am way too tired to have the energy to process life. Way too tired to try and win these battles.

I promise you I love being a mom.

My kids are my everything. I could not imagine my life without them. I would give them the shirt off my back if I had too, but I would be lying if I would give anything to also have more time to myself. To hang out with my friends without getting up every 2 seconds to tend to a little version of myself.

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I am constantly being touched, hung on, climbed on. My personal space no longer exists.

Their needs are never ending

Their questions are never ending

My sanity, is for sure ending

I am always tired. Like permanently tired. At this point I feel like that It’s normal. This is just me now. I know one day, when they are all grown up. I will miss this. I will miss their questions and their moms I need yous. The house will be too quiet.

But today I needed a minute. I needed a minute to let it all out in my car alone. I needed a reset. I needed to show myself that I am still human and not the energizer bunny. I reached the I AM DONE point.

Then they go to bed and my world is silent. I look at them while they are sleeping and I question myself as to why I even needed that minute because they are so cute and cuddly. These tiny little humans that I created made me completely loose my mind that I went to my car and cried and questioned my life. I feel the guilt set in. I feel guilty that I yelled “Mommy needs a minute”

I kiss them on the cheeks and whisper, Mommy is sorry. Mommy was not her best today.

Tomorrow I will do better

Being a perfect parent is overrated

When I had my first child, I had it in my head that I was going to do everything right. I was going to buy her all name brand clothes, I was going to do all organic foods or even make all my own baby foods in the jars with the perfect little labels and dates. Honestly I tried my hardest to do all those things. Life got in the way of that. I got lost in the trying to make a sweet, crying every night baby happy. Waking up several times at night to breastfeed, that I was way too tired to even think about baby food or jars. Sometimes I was way too tired to even remember if I ate that day. 

I read all the baby books you can think of. Googled everything under the sun. All great books, but nothing can prepare you fully at becoming a mother. At this point it is really “How to keep your child alive without fully losing your damn mind in the process” which scared the crap out of me because I could barely keep a houseplant alive how can I keep a tiny version of myself alive. 

Second child came and I was more laid back. I came to the conclusion that all name brand clothing was just not going to happen. They grow like weeds. I swear they grow every time they put one scoop of food in their mouths. Side note: WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS HUNGRY!

My kids food schedule;

Snack, breakfast, breakfast snack, snack, lunch, lunch snack, snack, sometimes too full to eat dinner, complains they didn’t have dinner, dinner, dinner snack, snack, bedtime snack, snack… thinking about food while they are sleeping… Repeat.  

Third child, at this point he’s like a free range chicken. I have been there and done that and bought a t-shirt. To say that I am a pro at parenting no, because I don’t think that is even a thing. What I can say is that I do know the just of it. I am not trying to be that perfect parent that I set out to be because it does not exist. 

There are so many rules. What you can and cannot do as a parent. So much judgement out there. What grinds my gears is the parents shaming parents. Kids eating cold french fries off  the car floor HAPPENS. You will be driving and hear “Cold french fries taste yummy mommy” while they fish for that fry that you missed out of their car seat. They will stand at the big bay window in the living room and wave to your neighbor butt naked, with a shirt on their head because they are like ninjas and sneak away while you are finding something for them to wear. They will fart in a restaurant while the waiter is asking what would you like on the menu.

They will become a thirsty, hungry philosopher at bedtime, because they refuse to go to sleep. JUST in case they miss something. Nope all they will miss is me eating a whole cheese cake with a fork, binge watching grey’s anatomy.

All these things do NOT and I will repeat. DO NOT make you a bad parent.  It makes you a real one. Stuff happens. Kids have no filters. They are these balls of stressful, wonderful joys. That will make you wonder about every life choice you made. There is no way to be a perfect parent because I promise you, your kids won’t let that happen and it does not exist. 

One thing I do know. Is that you are perfect for them. They want you. Every little piece of you. While you are in the kitchen getting them several snacks. While you are in the laundry room changing the laundry over that you smell because you totally forgot to change the laundry over. Banging on the bathroom door because all of a sudden they have several questions and fruit snacks for you to open. 

They just want YOU. So rock that perfect imperfect parenting. We are all in this together.

Make time, because time doesn’t wait for us.

The past few weeks, it has really hit me that time does not wait for anyone. That it just creeps up on you realizing that it goes by so fast, you blink and its 30 years later. It clearly doesn’t work that way but that’s how it feels.

Growing up it feels like you have all this time. Time to think of what you want to do when you’re older, all the time with your parents. But flash forward you are 30 and married with 4 kids of your own to raise.

You’re parents raise you to the best of their abilities. As a parent myself I have realized that is no easy task. One of the things I have learned is that the moments of reassureness, relief and pride are far in between. When you think you have everything under control something comes creeping in out of no where. It is hard to feel like you are really ‘Succeeding’ at this whole parenting thing.

As I said time doesn’t stand still as we get older so do our parents and I feel like many of us forget this. Many of us say “I am too busy to visit I will soon” Sometimes that soon never comes.

Life should come full circle. Your parents take care of you when you’re young, you should take care of them when they are older. Even if its just by visiting, bringing them tea/coffee. Just by showing them that you appreciated everything that they have done for you and continue to do for you.

You are never too old to want to make your mom proud and I am so happy that mine is proud of me. I am so happy that my mom raised me the way she did because that is helping me truck through being a mom myself. Being a strong woman.

Every day, that we doubt ourselves, they doubted themselves.

But hey we survived, we are here. Repeating everything they have taught us. I got so much by being their daughter. Learning from them, watching them is now a rippling effect with my children.

They taught me not only by teaching and telling but by just being themselves. They showed me how to be happy, how to live a productive and meaningful life. Giving us the ability to survive and thrive.

They taught me before you leave this world to make it a better place for our kids, and to teach our kids to do the same. My parents live every day doing things without wanted gratitude or praise just by doing the right thing giving to others, being their for others. Treating people the way you want to be treated.

Our elders have been through it all and we are just starting. No its not the same world and we may have to tweak it a bit but they gave us the building blocks and we need to build from it.

So much of who we are is because of them. The good, the bad, the ugly. But that all has made us stronger.

The past few weeks I have realized that time is not always there. That with a blink of an eye they could be gone. That we will wish that we did more things. That we had more time.

So make that time now. Go for that coffee. Go for that chat about god knows what. see your parents more. They went from seeing us every day, making our meals, coming to our events. To barely seeing us at all. To be honest thinking about my kids growing up and doing the same would kill me. I want them to visit me as often as they can.

So make the time. Time doesn’t wait for us.

Elf on the shelf

It is almost that time… that time of the year…the time I am super excited for and probably more excited then my kids!

ELF ON THE SHELF!

I probably kick myself in the butt but I try to do something crazy and different each time I change his spot. Our Elf on the shelf is called ‘Steve’ Don’t ask I have no idea why they came up with that name, but it stuck. Honestly I like it better then Sparkle or some sort of Elf name lol It’s just super random.

Here are some idea’s that I used for Steve, you are welcome to use some of these ideas!! I know that coming up with ideas are hard!

Drawing on the Bananas
Zip lining
X’s and O’s
Spider man
Reindeer poop!
Santa Hat’s on the pictures
Steve in space!
Camping
The Floor is Lava!

What ever you do have fun with it! Channel your inner child and go wild!!

Let them believe in Santa

As it gets close to Christmas, all my kids can talk about is Santa. The excitement just fills the house, and of our Elf on the shelf Steve.

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays, the lights, the food and the love that just fills the house, makes me all warm inside.

Some things have come to my attention about letting your kids believe in that jolly ol’ man that is dressed in red. Some parents are questioning if they should tell that little white lie to their kids about Santa being real or not.

My opinion: Yes. Because why the hell not??? Not only is it just amazing to see the magic on their faces when they see him, or hear about him or see presents just appear and magic all around them but it also helps them with their imagination and helps with their emotional development and conjunctive development.

When you child wakes up and sees that Elf on the shelf in different spots, they use their minds to figure out how did it get there? Or be so excited to go to bed because they cant wait to see what crazy nonsense “Steve” will be up to tomorrow. It makes them happy and hearts full, as well as mine.

Why should we be the ones to break the news, instead of them using their beautiful minds to figure it out on their own time line… As the kids get older yes they will get less and less amused by all of it and start to realize that Santa is not a magickal being and more that its your parents love for you that kept him alive for so long to see their excitement, but until that day comes, let them believe!

When you put out those cookies with your kids and Santa eats them or you write “From Santa” on the presents in your own handwriting once your kids begin to doubt that their is a Santa they start to become detectives and put their heads together to find clues and brainstorm together or even do experiments by setting traps for Santa they become little scientists.

Let your kids figure it ourselves, I promise you it is way less heart breaking then you just bringing it up one day saying “Hey kid he is not real” It is way more exciting to them that they know, that they can be “in on the secret” and feel like they are growing up, because that’s all kids want to do is grow up one day, but grow up on their own terms.

In the end the whole family wins, not only do you get to be a kid all over again and use your imagination and fun to get them thinking and to also live in your childhood, they also enjoy it by using their imagination, and figuring life out on their own.

Let your kids grow up on their own, don’t push it… because they grow up way to fast, so hold on to what you can.

What I wish I heard before I was pregnant

“You will have a beautiful glow, and love every minute of it”

At this point I am expecting an amazing experience… what could go wrong right?? No pain, I hold my pee when I sneeze… not

Don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful that I made a human being inside me, and I love them to death.. and I am sure there are people out their that loved their pregnancies.. but for me I wish someone told me a few more things about it… honestly

Just Eat

When I was pregnant I craved subs… all of the meat plus anything sour, and guess what I.ate.all.the.things. Don’t get me wrong I felt guilty that I was not eating more healthy, but guess what happened?? I gave birth to 3 healthy little bumbinos. Yep, 10 fingers, 10 toes. Cutest little button noses. Perfectly healthy. So girl you have a craving dig in!!

Park that butt if you want to!

I get it, there is so much to be done before the baby comes or you want to get that pile of work on your desk done, the house is a friggin mess… but hey, you earned this, you are creating a human being inside you, your body is already working over time. Take that well-earned break that you need. Sit down, eat all the things and relax.

Hand me downs are okay!

It is your first baby you want to buy all new clothes. You want your baby looking amazing in everything he or she wears. Guess what second hand clothes are amazing and I promise you a lot of it are brand name! Babies grow so fast and they will continue doing that. Like bad weeds in the garden.

You need help? Ask for it!

Do not feel guilty because you need an extra hand! Parenting is not easy, I promise you that. It is really hard being a first time mom, heck even a second or third time mom its hard. It takes a village to help raise the children, ask for help when you need it. Your feet hurt, your back hurts, everything is friggin hurts. That’s what family and friends are for.

Sexy Time!

A girls got needs. I get it you don’t like the way your body looks. Trust me neither did I. Plus sometimes I was so tired I couldn’t even get up off the couch. If you are feeling it, go for it and no, your husband will not poke the baby in eye… even though some of them might say that. Feeling that connection with your Significant other is amazing.

Where what you feel comfortable in

You want to wear those sleep pants.. do it You want to wear track pants do it. You want to splurge on maternity clothes GO FOR IT. You are already feeling extremely uncomfortable in your body why would you make it worse by wearing something that just isn’t right. DO YOU!

Pregnancy might not be the most pleasant thing in the world, or maybe you will enjoy every minute of it, we are all different. But one thing I know is that once you are holding that beautiful baby in your arms all the things that happened will just go away, the minute you see that face!