We struggle…but weve got this

Motherhood is challenging…

We struggling with what we think is the right way to handle a situation…

We struggling with thinking are we doing everything right….

We struggle with our babies or child sleep schedule…

We struggle with our child’s tantrums….

But the thing is we get through it… We are strong, capable human beings. Even those there are plenty of days where we think we are not rocking it. We are.

We wake up in the middle of the night to feed our babies, changing diapers at 2am, 3am, 4am… Without batting an eye…

We carry a human being inside of us! And we continue to do day to day things. Some of us even care for our other children while our body is so overworked that its running on low but we do it…

We get up, get the kids bathed, dressed, fed and lunches then out the door to the bussed or to school on time, all while staying up late making sure that 22 kids in their class get their treats for the party that your child told you at the last minute they needed…

We cook, we clean, solve crimes like find the missing stuffed animal while your kid has a melt down in the corner…

Constantly being told you’re doing it wrong but so many people because you didn’t do it the way they want you too or the way they would do it, but you hold it together because your tiny humans are depending on you.

Making sure their teeth are brushed, clothes are washed and homework is done….

Even if its big or small we are getting it done. You should feel proud of yourself no matter what. Because parenting is tough. We struggle. But we win every day… Because those smiles and i love you’s make everything worth it.

Make time, because time doesn’t wait for us.

The past few weeks, it has really hit me that time does not wait for anyone. That it just creeps up on you realizing that it goes by so fast, you blink and its 30 years later. It clearly doesn’t work that way but that’s how it feels.

Growing up it feels like you have all this time. Time to think of what you want to do when you’re older, all the time with your parents. But flash forward you are 30 and married with 4 kids of your own to raise.

You’re parents raise you to the best of their abilities. As a parent myself I have realized that is no easy task. One of the things I have learned is that the moments of reassureness, relief and pride are far in between. When you think you have everything under control something comes creeping in out of no where. It is hard to feel like you are really ‘Succeeding’ at this whole parenting thing.

As I said time doesn’t stand still as we get older so do our parents and I feel like many of us forget this. Many of us say “I am too busy to visit I will soon” Sometimes that soon never comes.

Life should come full circle. Your parents take care of you when you’re young, you should take care of them when they are older. Even if its just by visiting, bringing them tea/coffee. Just by showing them that you appreciated everything that they have done for you and continue to do for you.

You are never too old to want to make your mom proud and I am so happy that mine is proud of me. I am so happy that my mom raised me the way she did because that is helping me truck through being a mom myself. Being a strong woman.

Every day, that we doubt ourselves, they doubted themselves.

But hey we survived, we are here. Repeating everything they have taught us. I got so much by being their daughter. Learning from them, watching them is now a rippling effect with my children.

They taught me not only by teaching and telling but by just being themselves. They showed me how to be happy, how to live a productive and meaningful life. Giving us the ability to survive and thrive.

They taught me before you leave this world to make it a better place for our kids, and to teach our kids to do the same. My parents live every day doing things without wanted gratitude or praise just by doing the right thing giving to others, being their for others. Treating people the way you want to be treated.

Our elders have been through it all and we are just starting. No its not the same world and we may have to tweak it a bit but they gave us the building blocks and we need to build from it.

So much of who we are is because of them. The good, the bad, the ugly. But that all has made us stronger.

The past few weeks I have realized that time is not always there. That with a blink of an eye they could be gone. That we will wish that we did more things. That we had more time.

So make that time now. Go for that coffee. Go for that chat about god knows what. see your parents more. They went from seeing us every day, making our meals, coming to our events. To barely seeing us at all. To be honest thinking about my kids growing up and doing the same would kill me. I want them to visit me as often as they can.

So make the time. Time doesn’t wait for us.

Dear Husband,

Sometimes I feel like you get the worst of me.
Sometimes I feel like you might not recognize me anymore.

By the time you get home, I am beyond frustrated with the kids. With them not listening, hitting me, making messes that I am constantly picking up or telling them to pick up. Sometimes I am mad at myself because I didn’t get all the things I wanted to get done for the day. Honestly there just is not enough time in the day. Sometimes I am so frustrated and upset that if I don’t let it out when you get home i might explode. For that I am sorry, you become my target.

You come home from a long day at work, providing for us, at a job that your boss is just so frustrating and you come home to me upset, and mad and storming around. Come home to me demanding the kids go to you instead of me. You come home to me almost in tears because I have tried my best to get the house clean.

When they finally get to sleep, I am running around trying to get the things done that I was just not able to when they were awake, because they are constantly asking me to do this, open this, can you look at this. I get your lunches ready for work, and I get our dinner ready if you came home late. You do your best to stay awake when I try and get the last minute things done so that I am able to some what sleep without stressing that I missed something.

When I finally get to lay down and just close my eyes you try and cuddle and I jerk away “I just need to not be touched for one minute so I can fall asleep”

Or when you call and you are on your way home and you nicely ask “Babe do we need anything?” and I answer the question in a angry tone because I just can’t hold in my frustrations of our son demanding that I hold him while I try and get things done.

You ask me nicely “whats for dinner” and I snap “I have no idea, I will figure it out” When just before you asked me I had to deal with our son asking 2390482039482 times whats for dinner and my frustrations just got sent to you.

I don’t mean to, but you often get the worst of me, the left overs of my very frustrating day. Because honestly all my patience and strength has been used up by the kids. Because honestly motherhood uses so much of my time, and of my brain that I have no idea how to even shut it off at this point and it leaves me with nothing else for anyone else.

But you will always be the one that I loved first. I know you are worried to come home because you dont know what kind of mood I will be in, but if you continue to love me and I love you, showing our kids that we love each other no matter what, will give our kids a sense of security.

So I promise I will do my best to leave room for you at the end of the day, I will do my best to leave some joy and love and patience.

By the time you get home sometimes my affection is just spent. From giving hugs and kisses, and talking to the kids about how their day went. Make sure all of them are doing good. That by the time you get it, I just dont feel like being touched, I just need a minute without human contact. Please dont give up on me, I need you so much, I need your kisses and affection too.

I am sorry that you get snapped on because I have held it in so much during the day so that I don’t blow up on the kids, that you end up getting the snarky comments. So please continue to love me no matter what.

I do think it is time we get some alone time, some time away, what do you think?

I know sometimes, I bottle things up and take the world on my shoulders and I know that you are here to take some of that burden. But please know that I couldn’t do any of this without you.

Watching you ever day, play with the kids, Hold our son for the first time and the love in your eyes every day. You keep me grounded. You keep me from completely loosing my mind at the end of the day because I know no matter what you will walk through those doors, and I feel like I can breath again… I count down till the time you walk through those doors.

So I know that you don’t always get the best of me, but I hope that you will always remember that I loved you first and always will.

One day

“He’s a big boy, you don’t need to do that anymore” “Mom, why do you still want to brush my hair”

Let me do the things just a little longer, I’m not ready for you to grow up.

“You baby them when you sing to them at night” I will sing to them till they no longer need my voice to fall asleep too.

One day in the not so distant future they won’t but right now they still do. I will continue till they no longer need it.

Right now they still need me to make their dinner exactly the way they like it, peel the apple the way they like it. Pick out their clothes. They still like to run and play and pretend they are in a far off land with super powers. I know some day they wont yell “Mommy watch this”

“Mommy, why do you hug me so tight” Because I know one day getting a hug from you will be difficult.

“Why do you care so much how big their birthdays are” Because one day they wont need those big birthday parties

I remember like it was yesterday the day I gave birth to all of them. Where we could lay in bed and I could watch you sleep, or get those cute little hick ups and getting so mad that they wouldn’t stop. I remember their first words, their first steps. I will hold on to those forever because one day it will be your first car, your first house and your first child.

I get teary eye’d just thinking about there will be a day where you wont jump on the bed and say “Mommy can we snuggle” One day you will be too cool for me.

For now you still do.

I know through all this, all my caring and love, you all will become the amazing people that I have always dreamed about. Smart, kind and full of love. Exactly the way I showed you. You wont always need me to do these things, or to tell you how important you will be or you are.

I know somedays I say that I wish you were more independent or that I wish I didn’t have to do all the things, but I cherish every moment because I will love you always.

One day in the not so distant future they won’t but right now they still do. I will continue till they no longer need it.