Arbitrary Rules…

I just read this on Quora and really liked the lesson

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.

When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by. I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.“ What are you struggling with?” he asked. I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.” Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you? ”I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it. I wanted to have something more substantial. Something more profound. But I didn’t. So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes. “I felt like an idiot even saying it. What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes? But my therapist nodded in understanding and then said: “RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me. “Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules. ”It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express. That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times. I felt like I had conquered a dragon. The next day, I took a shower lying down. A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit. There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again. Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry. But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson: THERE ARE NO RULES. RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE!!!

As I read this it really sunk in… we have all these ‘rules’ but who gave us these rules? It is like we read it somewhere or our parents told us this is how its suppose to be and now they are just imbedded in our heads.

I have always made a meal together with the family even if I had to make separate meals because the kids wouldn’t eat what I was making but I made it all together regardless last night, I made the kids dinner first then mine and my husbands later when he got home from work, It was amazing… I was able to eat my whole meal without being interrupted several times. And the best part was…. my dinner stayed warm the whole time I was eating it because I wasn’t getting up several times to help the kids!

We set the bar so high for us that, rules so high to follow that we just mentaly cannot take it anymore.

How about today you do something different, live on the wild side.. throw out some rules that you have been doing for many years for reasons you have no idea why but because you felt you HAD too…

Dishes need to be done right away after dinner…. why? the dishes will still be there later. Watch that show before the dishes get done…

Laundry cant pile up… why? The laundry will still be there later… read that book that you have been dying to read.

run the dish washer twice…. because life is too short. Stressing over these arbitrary rules…

Drink wine in the morning and coffee at night… 😉 rules….

True meaning behind the popular children’s book “Love you forever”

Growing up one of my favorite books my mom  read to me was

 “love you forever” by Robert munsch.  

This popular book has sold over 15 million copies. 

This book was published in 1986. 

Parents all over the world were singing the beautiful lullaby to their children.

“I love you forever, 

I will like you for always

As long as i’m living

My baby you’ll be” 

Sadly before this became a popular lullaby that parents loved to sing to their children. Robert sang to himself in his head, this lullaby to the still born baby. 

Sadly this was the second still born this couple has had. 

Robert went on saying that singing this song out loud was just way too painful and he honestly couldn’t even share it with his wife. 

Robert dedicated his life to writing children’s books and even worked in orphanages. When the doctors told the couple that they would never be able to have children they were devastated. 

The couple went on and adopted 3 children, Andrew, Julie and Tyya.

Robert said that he created this poem to help himself grieve it was his way of crying. Losing a child is devastating and we all grieve differently. 

The book is about a mother watching her boy grow up. He starts as a baby and then becomes a father himself. While he is growing up his mother becomes old and frail and the roll is reversed. 

Learning the true meaning behind this book gives me a whole new perspective. 

This is such a beautiful tribute to his children that he lost. 

There is no other loss greater than losing a child.

The honesty and pain and love that went into making this book, is probably one of the reasons it is so popular. It is real and it is raw. 

It will forever and always be my favorite book and after learning the true meaning behind it, it became 10 times more meaningful and amazing.

Milestones

As I sit here on my back deck, soaking in the nice weather before this huge thunderstorm jumps in and wrecks the nice weather we have been having. 

Although we do need some rain. We just planted some grass seed in the back. Our yard seems to have a water draining issue, we fixed it, but now we need the grass to grow back! 

Anyways, I was scrolling through some mom facebook groups. I noticed A LOT of moms comparing their kids to other kids or asking when will my baby walk, or talk or sit up. 

I will say this. I am no expert but I have been a mom for 11 years and I have 4 kids. Let me tell you. NONE of them hit their milestones at the same time. NONE. They were all different, but they hit them. 

We need to stop comparing our kids with other kids. Everyone is different. It does not make you a crappy mom because little Stevie started walking later. It does not make your child better than other kids because they hit their milestones faster than others. 

Some babies are fast talkers before they walk and vice versa. Kids develop at their own pace. 

Do your best to stay off of Web MD because all of a sudden everyone in the house has a disease and it will just freak yourself out. 

If you honestly have concerns about your child, then call your doctor. Going on social media for your answers will more than likely just cause yourself to have a mini heart attack because Janets daughter is already playing the clarinet at 2 years old. 

Let your kids develop at their own pace. Do not try and rush them. Show them encouragement. Don’t show them you are upset because they aren’t hitting those milestones.  Keep telling them they can do it but support them when they cannot. 

We are their number one fans and that’s all they need.

Elf on the shelf

It is almost that time… that time of the year…the time I am super excited for and probably more excited then my kids!

ELF ON THE SHELF!

I probably kick myself in the butt but I try to do something crazy and different each time I change his spot. Our Elf on the shelf is called ‘Steve’ Don’t ask I have no idea why they came up with that name, but it stuck. Honestly I like it better then Sparkle or some sort of Elf name lol It’s just super random.

Here are some idea’s that I used for Steve, you are welcome to use some of these ideas!! I know that coming up with ideas are hard!

Drawing on the Bananas
Zip lining
X’s and O’s
Spider man
Reindeer poop!
Santa Hat’s on the pictures
Steve in space!
Camping
The Floor is Lava!

What ever you do have fun with it! Channel your inner child and go wild!!

What I wish I heard before I was pregnant

“You will have a beautiful glow, and love every minute of it”

At this point I am expecting an amazing experience… what could go wrong right?? No pain, I hold my pee when I sneeze… not

Don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful that I made a human being inside me, and I love them to death.. and I am sure there are people out their that loved their pregnancies.. but for me I wish someone told me a few more things about it… honestly

Just Eat

When I was pregnant I craved subs… all of the meat plus anything sour, and guess what I.ate.all.the.things. Don’t get me wrong I felt guilty that I was not eating more healthy, but guess what happened?? I gave birth to 3 healthy little bumbinos. Yep, 10 fingers, 10 toes. Cutest little button noses. Perfectly healthy. So girl you have a craving dig in!!

Park that butt if you want to!

I get it, there is so much to be done before the baby comes or you want to get that pile of work on your desk done, the house is a friggin mess… but hey, you earned this, you are creating a human being inside you, your body is already working over time. Take that well-earned break that you need. Sit down, eat all the things and relax.

Hand me downs are okay!

It is your first baby you want to buy all new clothes. You want your baby looking amazing in everything he or she wears. Guess what second hand clothes are amazing and I promise you a lot of it are brand name! Babies grow so fast and they will continue doing that. Like bad weeds in the garden.

You need help? Ask for it!

Do not feel guilty because you need an extra hand! Parenting is not easy, I promise you that. It is really hard being a first time mom, heck even a second or third time mom its hard. It takes a village to help raise the children, ask for help when you need it. Your feet hurt, your back hurts, everything is friggin hurts. That’s what family and friends are for.

Sexy Time!

A girls got needs. I get it you don’t like the way your body looks. Trust me neither did I. Plus sometimes I was so tired I couldn’t even get up off the couch. If you are feeling it, go for it and no, your husband will not poke the baby in eye… even though some of them might say that. Feeling that connection with your Significant other is amazing.

Where what you feel comfortable in

You want to wear those sleep pants.. do it You want to wear track pants do it. You want to splurge on maternity clothes GO FOR IT. You are already feeling extremely uncomfortable in your body why would you make it worse by wearing something that just isn’t right. DO YOU!

Pregnancy might not be the most pleasant thing in the world, or maybe you will enjoy every minute of it, we are all different. But one thing I know is that once you are holding that beautiful baby in your arms all the things that happened will just go away, the minute you see that face!

MARRIAGE IS NOT EASY

Marriage is not easy.

You wont find the person that you click with on everything, because every single person has a different view.

You wont find a person that is perfect because perfect doesn’t exist.

You wont find a person that has all the same interests as you because we all like different things.

What you will find, is a person that has perfect imperfections just like you.

What you will find, is a person that challenges you in every single way, because when you fight its all about learning how to deal with what is bothering both of you and get through it.

What you will find, is your soul mate that fits YOU perfectly, because your heart finds a person that you know will follow you to the ends of this earth and back.

I watch my husband struggle every day, to go to a job he doesn’t love, but he knows he has to, because he has a family to take care of. I watch my husband struggle when he gets home to stay awake and help me and to see the kids but he is just so tired that he can hardly stay awake. I watch my husband get mad at things really easy because hes struggling to be happy with his job and takes it out on us. I watch my husband struggle because he feels bad for taking it out on us.

Sometimes he will leave for work without giving me a kiss, sometimes I get mad for him not helping me around the house more.
Sometimes he will come home with something for me because he knows I have had a bad day.
Sometimes I just let him sleep because I know he’s had a bad day.

Marriage is not easy

You see your partner going through all this, you see the bad parts of a person, but you also see the good parts. You see them when they are sad, and being so stubborn. You also see them when they are happy and laughing and that laugh just makes you melt and you remember all over again why you married them.

You see them at 2 am, when everyone else is asleep. Talking about your future and what you hope for. You get to see the side of them that no one else does. Sometimes its not pretty and other times its amazing.

It is farting.
It is bad breath.
It is random dances when your favorite songs come on.
It is random I love yous
It is never leaving you even those you have said some nasty things.

It is someone having your back always even those they don’t agree with it. It is supporting someone through every new adventure when they are do scared at doing it, but also very excited about the future.

Marriage is not easy.

It is fighting over stupid things, and realize that it was stupid and holding onto it because you don’t want to admit you were wrong, and then they do something silly that makes your laugh and you realize the fight is just not worth it.

It is falling asleep in each others arms, thinking that their just is not enough time with each other. It is falling asleep not cuddling because you both are just so tired at the end of the day you pass out.

It’s cleaning up their messes, it’s taking care of them when they are sick. It is the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding thing you can do.

Because at the end of the day, after everything that went on and was crazy, you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, your partner, the most annoying, the weirdest, loving, goofy person that you know.

Marriage is not easy.

But it is the best feeling knowing, that you have someone to Always have your back.

Let them enjoy it just a little longer

Happy Halloween everyone!!

Every year on Halloween it rains, or snows… I honestly cant remember the last time the weather didn’t suck! But the kids were troopers and went to several houses before I called it. As a mom I couldn’t let them be out to long in the rain and cold. My oldest who is 10 was so mad, but I said that I didn’t want to them get sick plus I was so cold!

While I was out enjoying my kids run around like crazy crack heads wanting candy plus looking super cute doing it. There was a lot of colder kids going to doors. It didn’t bother me one bit! I can’t say that for some other parents that I past.

“Wow they are way to old to be trick or treating” “Save the candy for the younger ones” Mind you none of the older kids were pushy, they waiting for my kids to go up to the door first. Never was rude or said some obnoxious teen things.

As parents we all have been there and said “I never want my kids to grow up” “I wish they could stay young forever” but then we complain when the older kids want to hold on to their childhood? I don’t have any full on teens yet, my oldest is still a teenie bopper, but I remember being a teen, not going to tell you how long ago we just don’t need to go there. I remember some days I was just plain lazy, I didn’t want to do much. Plus I was around a lot of other teens that video games and just being inside was the best thing to do at that age. So when I see teenagers outside enjoying themselves I am going to praise them! I am going to be so happy for their parents that those teens are out holding on to every last bit of their childhood they possibly can because let face it. They grow up way to fast!

These teens took the time to find a costume, buy or make one. So yes let them have some candy too. Let them stay young for just a little bit longer because before we know it, they will be off to collage and only come home for the big holidays, like thanksgiving and Christmas. Teens are so scared of being judged and let down at that stage so you telling them they cant trick or treat because you’re scared your child wont get enough candy? Seems like a silly thing to be worried about since, hunny we know you are going to eat most of their candy anyways because “Parent tax”

So let them enjoy the last bit of childhood, and hey enjoy it with them if they let you come out, because we stop being cool to be around after awhile. Soak it up! Maybe they will even let you take some pictures but lets not hold our breath on that one.

When you see a teenager out trick or treating or even outside playing in fresh air instead of hiding in their bed rooms, smile because its a beautiful damn thing!

Weird things parents say…

Have you ever had those moments where you think “wow I never thought I would say that” Things you say now as a parent I never would have even thought I would say before having kids…

We all know that kids say the weirdest things but what about parents??


“Please do not sit on your sister she is not a couch pillow” His sister took all the pillows so I guess that one was on her! Haha

“Just because the dog licked you doesn’t mean you should lick the dog” In his defence he said he was just kissing the dog back

“Just because your friend told you to pee in the bucket at school doesn’t mean you should” This phone call was nuts.. honestly I had no idea what to even say! Even the teacher was trying not to laugh when she told me!

“Please stop putting peas in the potty and yelling I peed on the potty. can I have a sucker” Good try buddy! That one wont work on me!

“Please stop fingering your belly button while we are trying to eat at the restaurant” The little old lady gave me a weird look at day!

“Stop digging holes in the baseball diamond and sticking your head into it” – Me yelling at my son from the bleachers

“No you cannot lick your sisters eye ball” His sister said her eyes were dry

“Stop screwing people” – Me telling my 4 year old while in home depot he was running around with a screw driver

“Frogs don’t belong in the toilet” – I was about to go pee looked in the toilet and there chilling in the toilet was a frog

“Your penis cannot put out fires” – Me on the phone with my bank, I said this mid sentence and continued talking like nothing happened the lady at the bank died laughing… thank god she has kids, might have went differently

“No you cannot duck tape your brothers mouth because he’s breathing your air” my 10 year old daughter gets annoyed with her brother easy.

If you asked me at 17 would I be saying these things, I would probably laugh at you and say “I would never say these things” Now its just normal. Weird is the new normal!

What kind of weird things have you had to say to your kids?? let me hear them!

Sometimes I miss my life before kids

Before you throw your “How dare you” listen anyone who knows me personally knows that I would do anything for my children. Honestly anything. But sometimes I feel like running away, sometimes I just feel so tired and alone.

Parenting is amazing and crazy and exhilarating all at the same time, knowing that you made the future doctors, nurses, firefighters, vets, plumbers, carpenters, landscapers.

At the same time it can be exhausting. Which I know we all feel guilty about feeling that way.

We all don’t want to talk about this part of parenting. We are all scared of being judged Or being told that we are ungrateful. I am raising these 4 beautiful children. I get the pleasure of doing this!

Honestly we all have thought this, or you will at some point. You feel like you can’t go anywhere just you. You’ll feel trapped, Always having someone there 24 7 depending on you. Sometimes I feel like I can’t be my best self because I am always tired or missing my freedom.

I miss being able to just leave the house without having to get ready 2 hours before leaving because you know the kids will take that long. I miss being able to be like “I will take a nap” or binge watch my favourite show without someone asking 29038402398423 questions.

My husband and I never have a moments peace together, and when we do we are both so tired that we can barely stay awake for a full movie. Pretty sure we watch the same movie over again because we are never able to finish it. I wonder what kind of couple we would be without kids? What would we do? Where would we be? Not sure we know each other on that level anymore.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t even remember who I was before kids. I love being a mom. But I miss being able to just say I need to get my eyebrows done and book an appointment and just go, not have to worry about maybe that money can go towards the kids, or what if the kids have something going on that day and have to schedule myself around them.

When my husband and I on a rare occasion get to go out just the 2 of us, we feel guilty that we are watching a movie, or eating in a restaurant because we know the kids would enjoy being here too.

One day the kids will be older and doing things on their own and I know that I am forever going to worry about them.

The point is, that you’re not alone, its okay to take that me time, it’s okay to feel like you don’t have it all together, its okay to miss those parts of you, it’s okay for you and your husband to go on the date!

We need to be okay with admitting those parts of parenting

You’re not a bad mom or dad for feeling this way, sometimes all this is really really hard.

Thanksgiving Doesn’t Have To Be Perfect!

Thanksgiving is one of my favourite holidays! Christmas and Halloween follow as well… But nothing beats the smell of Turkey and stuffing and fresh baked pie! Pumpkin pie mmm….

Turkey hand print crafts on the walls, and that one Thanksgiving centre piece that has been past down for generations in the middle of your table.

Honestly whats not to love about thanksgiving!! At the same time it can be very stressful! You want everything to be perfect more so because that one judge aunt Gladdest is coming and we all know she senses when one thing is out of place.

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be perfect! Yes its great when everything falls in to place but lets face it, when does it ever! The turkey isn’t cooking as fast as you like it, the kids are screaming and running around behind you with underwear on their heads because they are super heroes from planet underwear and you plugged in the hair straightener an hour ago but to scared the pies wont be ready.

“I don’t have a lot of money to make a big thanksgiving I would like” Honestly half the time people make way to much food and sometimes it gets waisted. Buy what you can! Don’t go all crazy and buy all these things which sets you back on bills and on other things, keep it on budget!


You know what the kids will remember how amazing the food tasted, how fun it was to dress up in their sunday best, how great uncle gerry did his bird impressions. They wont remember that you forgot to put out the cherry sauce, or that the stuffing wasn’t exactly how you planned it to be and Aunt Gladdest can stuff it, because to the kids Thanksgiving was perfect!

They saw that you still have that turkey hand print they made in kindergarden and you put it out every year, they saw all their family members, their tummies are full! Probably ready to explode!

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be perfect, because to them no matter what you do its prefect for them!

Don’t stress mama, you’ve got this! But first make sure to have coffee ; )