Arbitrary Rules…

I just read this on Quora and really liked the lesson

RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.

When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn’t get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by. I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn’t have much to ‘bring’ to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.“ What are you struggling with?” he asked. I gestured around me and said “I dunno man. Life.” Not satisfied with my answer, he said “No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you? ”I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn’t want to say it. I wanted to have something more substantial. Something more profound. But I didn’t. So I told him, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN’T do them because I’ll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand and scrub the dishes. “I felt like an idiot even saying it. What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I’m whining to my therapist about dishes? But my therapist nodded in understanding and then said: “RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.”I began to tell him that you’re not supposed to, but he stopped me. “Why the hell aren’t you supposed to? If you don’t want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist, so stop giving yourself rules. ”It blew my mind in a way that I don’t think I can properly express. That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times. I felt like I had conquered a dragon. The next day, I took a shower lying down. A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit. There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again. Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry. But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson: THERE ARE NO RULES. RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE!!!

As I read this it really sunk in… we have all these ‘rules’ but who gave us these rules? It is like we read it somewhere or our parents told us this is how its suppose to be and now they are just imbedded in our heads.

I have always made a meal together with the family even if I had to make separate meals because the kids wouldn’t eat what I was making but I made it all together regardless last night, I made the kids dinner first then mine and my husbands later when he got home from work, It was amazing… I was able to eat my whole meal without being interrupted several times. And the best part was…. my dinner stayed warm the whole time I was eating it because I wasn’t getting up several times to help the kids!

We set the bar so high for us that, rules so high to follow that we just mentaly cannot take it anymore.

How about today you do something different, live on the wild side.. throw out some rules that you have been doing for many years for reasons you have no idea why but because you felt you HAD too…

Dishes need to be done right away after dinner…. why? the dishes will still be there later. Watch that show before the dishes get done…

Laundry cant pile up… why? The laundry will still be there later… read that book that you have been dying to read.

run the dish washer twice…. because life is too short. Stressing over these arbitrary rules…

Drink wine in the morning and coffee at night… 😉 rules….

My kids turned into slobs, during quarantine.

I am tired of it.

My house looks like a party that I wasn’t invited to. It is always a giant mess. No matter how much I pick up, sweep, clean. 

I have always taught my kids to be respectful and clean up after yourselves. I have always taught them responsibility is key. 

But somehow that went right out the window since they have been home due to Covid 19. 

Every single day I am repeating myself constantly to pick up your wrappers, to put your dishes in the sink or dishwasher, pick up your toys. I sound like a damn broken record. 

At this point I don’t even know why I fold their laundry, because I go into their rooms and it looks like a bunch of monkeys went in rummaging through their dressers. 

I yell “If you don’t pick up these legos, I’m just going to vacuum them up!” 

Which they don’t and then I vacuum them up and honestly I don’t even think they notice. 

I have put their toys in the toy jail and I am pretty sure they are collecting dust they haven’t even noticed or care. 

Yelling “I am bored!” well I have a list of lovely things you can do! Now all of a sudden nobodies bored. 

Soon they are going to be completely out of toys and I bet you 100% they are going to somehow make a mess with 3 toys. 

I am hoping and I am praying that when this is all over or one day when they are older they will start picking up after themselves because I will not be going to their houses and cleaning… I keep repeating to myself because I have a feeling it is going to drive me up the wall if their house is a mess. 

I will continue to tell them to clean up, I will continue to tell them to respect your things… hoping one day they will get it.

Bucket list

Let’s talk about bucket lists. 

Maybe you have one for you and the kids or a family bucket list, or even for you and your spouse or a personal bucket list. 

Lately with everything happening and everyone being home with not much to do, I have been thinking about a bucket list. Things that I want to cross off. 

We often let time just pass us by, and we tend to get stuck in a rut.  Seasons change and so do we. 

A bucket list helps us get motivated to get things done, that we have been longing to do, either we don’t have time to do it, or we forget we wanted to do it. 

Maybe you want to see all the waterfalls around the world, maybe you want to try all the poutine chip trucks in your area. Maybe you want to reorganize the whole house!

Taking inventory 

Think about all the things that you want or need in your life right now. Having closer relationships with family members or how about your want to do a big research on a topic that you are interested in or you want to get in shape. 

Think about what you are missing in your life that you truly want to go for. 

What do you really want to get done

Write down a list of things you want to get done around the house, maybe you want some more gardens, or maybe you want to tackle a room that you just have been neglecting. Think about long term goals and short term goals. 

Maybe it’s something personal like “reacting differently when the kids frustrate me” or maybe it’s about personal budgeting. I know I have a problem with “Send to cart” haha

I know, I want to paint the back deck and paint the laundry room! 

Planning your summer might be a little out of the question right now with everything in the air if we are even going to be able to do some of the things we want, but when writing down things that you want to happen after all this is over would work just as well! 

I was reading an awesome blog the other day “Bare foot five” her and her family made a “manafest it wall” Her and her family write down big things that they want, can be getting a trampoline to going on a trip and when they do the things or get the things that are on the wall they write down the date that they did them!! Such a neat idea! 

Bucket lists are amazing and fun, when you are able to cross things off, it makes you feel great! Great that you were able to accomplish those things!

Start making your list! Start feeling accomplished. Have fun! Decorate it. Use stickers! Whatever you want to do!

Chores!

There is 6 people living in this house, plus 3 dogs, plus 2 cats and a hamster… so you can imagine how often I am cleaning.

I decided now that the kids are older maybe it is time for a some chores! Before the chore chart the kids were constantly asking for things to do, or that they were bored so I would give them things to do like sweeping or cleaning their rooms or dishes. They would grumble and complain thats going to make me more bored. I found once it was on a chart and they could see which one they were doing it became easier!

If you want to get fancy with this you can! Get a billboard from the dollar store and stickers and fun markers, the more colourful and fun it is the more the kids will be interested!

For the youngest who is 4 I made the chores easier since he’s not tall enough to do most things. For example pick up the toys around the house, grab any laundry on the floor and put it in the laundry basket.

Then my 8 and 10 year olds, I put sweeping, washing the floors, empty the dish washer, put the dishes in the dish washer, wipe the counters, laundry, vacuum the bedrooms, feed the animals. I spread them out throughout the week to they all do a different chore each day but they all do every chore so there is no complaining since we all know they will find something to complain about haha except the youngest. He tries even though the broom is sooo much taller then he is! On top off these chores their rooms need to be clean that is one thing that is on there every day, since I find its important to have a clean room helps you sleep better, and the comfort of knowing that you wont fall and trip over everything once you get out of bed.

Not only does the chore chart help me, it also helps them by having some responsibility around the house. It teaches them how much better they will feel helping mommy out.

Rewards for doing the chores you are probably asking, this part is completely up to you because I know that the reward should be the fact that they are helping you out and also themselves. Some kids it is hard to get them motivated to do those types of things, so you can add if you get stickers on your whole week of doing chores you can have a treat, have a candy jar. Go to the dollar store and grab a bunch of candy and a jar and write Chore Reward Candy on the jar. Place it somewhere they can see it but high enough they wont sneak any when you’re not looking. Even money could be a reward if you are able to do that, just a dollar to put in their piggy bank! Whatever the reward it is completely up to you. It’s all in how you want to get your child motivated to do them. Even get an hour longer on the gaming system or they get to pick the movie this time for movie night!

Make it fun! Put on some music and get them to dance while they are doing the chore. Remember to let them know after they do the chore they are a big help! Thank you so much for helping!