Dear new mom,

Right now, everything seems so overwhelming. You may think you have no idea what you are doing. You might even be questioning every move you make. You know what is best for your family. For your new baby. 

I promise you, that none of us have it together. We might look like we do on the outside. We might look like we do in all of our social media outlets, but what you don’t see in the picture is the toys that are scattered all over the floor that we have already picked up a thousand times. What you don’t see is a few seconds before that picture one of our kids just ate cheerios off the floor. Some of us might look like we have it all together, but on the inside, we are losing it. 

I promise you, that all that worrying is normal. No matter what age your children are. We are always worrying about them. If we are doing the right thing. If we are doing enough. Are they getting enough food? Are they learning enough in school? Worrying means that we care. We all want what is best for our children. 

I promise you, that we are all struggling. Struggling is a big part of parenting. It is a learning experience every step of the way. Babies bring new changes that we didn’t even know were possible. As kids grow up, they are new challenges every day. Family and friends and strangers will judge your parenting choices, but they are YOUR choices. What works for their family might not work for yours and that’s okay. They all mean well then they give you parenting advice, they really do. Sometimes it comes off as pushy, or judgment. Follow your gut. 

Being a mom for 11 years I have gone through a fair share of struggles myself. I have learned a lot of lessons, I have made some mistakes, but my kids are doing great. I have learned that I can still do this even on the little sleep that I get. 

Motherhood is intense, it can be really hard sometimes, but it makes you stronger. It makes you realize that you are capable of so much more than you ever thought was possible. There will be times where you have reached your limits. There will be times that your heart explodes with so much love and happiness. 

Just know that you are not alone. That we have all been there. Cry if you need to, ask for help if you need it. 

Motherhood is not easy, but you’ve got this!

When this is over — Taking things for granted.

While sitting alone this morning drinking my coffee, the kids were still sleeping. 

I had a thought. Thought of things that I have taken for granted since COVID 19 has started. 

Thoughts of things that I honestly never thought about because they were normal everyday things. That I never would have thought would be so important. The importance of everyday life things. 

A hug. I am not a very huggy person. I am more of a bro tap on the back and away we go, but when I finally got to hug my dad, or my brother and mom. That hug felt like I haven’t seen them in years. That hug was so important. 

A conversation with neighbors. I am socially awkward. To have a conversation with someone is scary to me. My words get jumbled together and I get all weird and forget how to talk. There is something about going into your backyard or going into your front yard and seeing the street full of people, full of life. Puts a smile on my face. When everyone was inside and not coming out the street was empty. It was quiet and lonely. I may not be besties with my neighbors but just knowing they are there it’s comforting. 

Walking into a store to grab something quick.  The lines are so long now, not to mention having to wear masks and gloves. Having to be careful not to touch your face. Just walking into the store has become a whole day thing depending on the lines. 

Normal doctors check-up. My son recently had a doctor’s appointment. This appointment was done over the phone. It was really weird. I have never experienced it before. The doctor simply had to go off from what I was saying. Wasn’t able to check him, herself. I am sure that is difficult for her as well. The doctor’s appointments for my son are crucial. I want to know that I am doing okay with helping him, I want to know that he is doing okay. The reassurance over the phone is just not the same. 

The school rush in the mornings.  I used to dread these mornings. Rushing around like a chicken with its head cut off. 4 lunches. I miss it though. I miss driving the kids in the car and blaring the music and singing. I miss seeing the kids excited for their friends. I miss hearing all about their day when I pick them up. The mornings are intense but everything else makes it all worth it. 

Coffee with a friend. There is nothing better when having a coffee with a friend. You get to talk about your shit storm of life. You get to talk about what you want in the future IN PERSON. Not through text messages or phone calls. You get to laugh and celebrate your life with them. Having those few hours with your friends helps you get through life, helps you get through your day. 

When this is all over I hope we have learned some lessons. I hope that we end up being who we wanted to be and who we hoped to be. 

Everyone has come together. We have proved when shit hits the fan, we can work through it. My hope is that we keep this. My hope is that the world realizes that the way we were doing things was not the right way. Every person for themselves. Coming together, working together. It’s important. 

I’m a okay mom and I am okay with that.

The standards of how a mother is supposed to be, act, what she is supposed to do, how much is she supposed to do are fucking high and I am done. 

Lately, I have been getting bombarded with all these outrageous expectations from people, these expectations are so high, that it would be like high jumping over the CN Tower without getting the point stuck in your ass. Not going to happen. 

I want to know why do we have to be so ‘Perfect’ Why can’t we just be a okay mom. That okay mom still gets the job done. Yeah maybe we aren’t baking the perfect cake with fondant roses, but the kids are happy, healthy, clothed and bellies are super full. Why can’t that be enough? Why can’t we ever be enough? 

If COVID has taught me anything, that it is okay to not have your shit together. That pile of shit is YOUR shit. Not grandmas, not your moms, not Sindy from up the street. It’s your shit. So however you want to deal with that stinky pile of shit, do it at your own pace. 

Potty training it’s fucking hard. Trying to figure out the cues of when they need to go, setting timers, wondering why everything is wet… did he seriously pee on the new toilet paper roll? If your little man wants to go pee on a tree then the scary porcelain monster, let him. Honestly in my book that’s a damn win! Potty training is not an overnight thing, you cannot snap your fingers like Thanos and make all your potty training woos vanish like dust. It takes time and it also has to do with your child.

So your child hasn’t conquered online learning, that is okay. Us parents were just thrown into the role of being a teacher. Let’s be honest here, a child’s home was not meant to be their school as well, trying to get them to sit down for more than 5 seconds is a damn chore on its own. If you can get them to do 1 math sheet or write their name on paper 5 times. YOU are winning. 

Okay, so you totally forgot to change your laundry over, throw that laundry in the dryer with 17 bounce sheets and away you go. The laundry will always be there, it is like that clingy boyfriend in high school that is just lurking in every corner. If you want to put up your feet and read that book you have been putting off and drink some wine. Girl doo it! That laundry will still be waiting for you to write that love letter back. 

Dishes, dishes, dishes. I used to get mad when men “let the dishes soak” but now that I am a mom and the kids for some reason, they have to get a new plate or cup for every piece of food they ever eat. I swear one half of the peanut butter sandwich goes on one plate, the other half on another. Then we have grapes on a brand new plate and so on. For every sip, they have to get a new cup, and oh man DO NOT give your toddler a colour they don’t want. I let them sit for a bit. Because you know why… fuck it! 

I am done. 

My kids are kind (not so much to their siblings WWF up in here). My kids know their manours, (Sometimes they only say it when they really want something) but they know them. My kids are thriving in school (they might not be the next rocket scientist yet) but they are doing okay and that is all I should ask of them. Is for them to do their best. The more we put pressure on them the more they push away. I want my kids to enjoy learning. 

I am done caring what other people think. I know, I am doing okay.  The kids are not going to remember how much laundry you did, or when you did the dishes. They are not going to remember that one day you swept the dirt under the rug. They are going to remember who was there always and that was YOU. 

So say it with me, I AM DONE. 

I am done listening to everyone tell me how I am supposed to be. 

I am done listening to everyone tell me how I am supposed to do everything. 

I am done caring what people think of me. Rock that hot mess mama all the way to town. 

I am done. 

Yes, some people are not going to like it. They are going to bitch. Let them. Once you start to not give a shit. That is when you can breathe.

Richards transformations are stunning.

I have seen some pretty amazing character transformations over the years, this by far takes the cake for me.

The term cosplay was invented in China in 1984. Ever since the 1990’s cosplay has been huge and extremely popular. 

Richard Arthur a freelance artist, his transformations are stunning! The make up and poses are on point. He has 219K followers on instagram, and is popular world wide. 

When he transformed himself into disney princesses, I couldn’t believe it. I was thrilled. I have been obsessed with Disney for many years, and I am sure other Disney fans will agree, Richard’s transformations into these Disney princesses are amazing. 

Take a look at these

Yes, I promise you these are all him! He’s flawless. Every single one of them are amazing, but Arial for me is by far my favourite!

If you head over to his Instagram, he not only did Disney princesses, he even transformed himself into Sally from nightmare before Christmas!

Talk about ultimate make up queen! Yess! Teach me your ways!

I for one cannot wait to see what beautiful creations that comes next!

My daughter is a tween and I am struggling

I am struggling these days to come to the realization that my beautiful baby girl is no longer a baby… but a tween. 

Every now and then I get a glimpse of the little girl she once was. I am struggling to know when to come in and when to step back and let her find her way. 

I miss playing with her hair, putting them in cute little braided pigtails. I still ask if I can do her hair but I get “I got it mom” 

I just feel like I blinked and Mommy, became mom. 

She is still not a teenager, but yet I get the rolling of the eyes, the dragging feet and the big huge signs. 

She is not a little girl anymore, but sometimes she still loves to pretend and play with her LOL dolls on the rare occasion but they are mostly collecting dust on display. 

She no longer needs me like she used to, she doesn’t rely on me to tie her shoes or fix her shirt. 

During this new phase of life, she won’t need me for the little things but she will need me for the bigger things. 

The idea of her growing up scares me and changing scares the shit out of me. 

I remember the first time she crawled and the first time she walked, all her firsts I was there to help her along the way. Now when she accomplishes something or does a new first, I will still be there to cheer her on, she just won’t need my help like she used too. 

When I hear people say “Wow she is just like you” It makes me feel warm inside but yet a little scared. I was a wild child. So carefree. I let the world just take me in the wind. As much as I learnt my lessons along the way. I am scared for her. I want to do everything in my power to protect her from what life will bring her but yet I know I know I need to let go of the sails and let her take over. 

I am just not ready, I feel it is too soon. I remember like it was yesterday when they handed me this cute little chubby girl wrapped in a pink little blanket. 

For now she still waits for me to come in and kiss her goodnight, for now she still sits on the counter while I am making dinner, which was her telling me all her barbie names now she talks about what’s going on in the YouTube word and her live streams but I will take it. I will take in every single moment of it, because one day, that spot on the counter will be empty. 

Badmouthing, and its negative effects.

Kids growing up with their parents separated is hard enough. They have to figure out how to live with each parent separately. They have to deal with different rules that are set in place at each house. 

When you separate I understand that it is hard not to think about all the bad things that they did or will continue to do. It is hard to separate your feelings towards the other person when they really upset you. 

Whatever you did, or didn’t do, or whatever the other parent did or does not do. Should not be stated to your child. Badmouthing their mom or dad can have a huge negative effect on your child. 

It really hurts them. No matter what you do, your child will continue to love you unconditionally. It hurts them more when it is someone they love and look up to, putting down the other parent. 

It causes so much conflict in their heads. They have no idea what to do. It causes them to have to choose a side. Children are so loyal to their parents. They will have so much guilt and pain, that they will have no idea how to express these feelings, because they are scared to tell the other parent what happened in case that causes a fight. Which will cause them to retreat from both parents. 

Just like you would not accept yourself to choose between one of your children, you should not accept your child to choose which parent to love and be loyal too. 

Your child has some parts of you and some parts of your Ex. By bad mouthing each other causes your child to feel like some parts of them are wrong, some parts of them you do not like because it matches the other parent. This alone will cause them to hate how they are. 

We tell our kids not to bully, to treat other people the way we want to be treated,  but yet we talk poorly about the other parent. We say all these negative things about your ex which could cause your child to think that is okay or to grow up thinking that we are liars. 

It is important to find a way to separate your feelings towards the other parent for the sake of your child. They want to have a positive and loving relationship with both of you. How you feel should not determine how your child feels about the other parent. 

What goes around comes around. 

I am sure we have all heard this saying. Whatever bad things that you say about your ex will just come right back at you. Your child will start defending the other parent and then start to resent you or they might start using the same behaviour towards the other parent thinking that it is okay or back at you. 

If your opinion of your ex is true, or if it is not it doesn’t matter. You don’t want your truth to be your kids reality. It could have physiological effects on your child. 

Leave the negativity out of your child’s mind and just spend time with them, they just want you both to be happy. 

Dear bullies, Thank you.

In our public school there weren’t the popular kids and the unpopular kids. It was a small town and everyone knew everyone. Everyone was invited to each other’s birthdays because our parents grew up with each other and honestly we were young and innocent and hate wasn’t even thought of. 

Once we made it to high school that is when it all changed. There were clicks. Everyone went into their little groups. Band kids, jocks, popular girls and computer people. I trotted into school like everything was going to be the same. I was wrong. 

The popular girls never bothered me, they stuck to themselves talking about all pretty and pink things. The ones who ended up bullying me were who I thought were my best friends. Right, I know plot twists. It all started because a boy liked me and not them. A boy of all things came between us. I never even thought twice about pursuing it, because your girls come first right? 

They came in like a force of nature. Pushing me down in the halls, writing bad things on my locker. Spreading outrageous lies about me. The thing is they knew all my secrets, they knew exactly what would hurt me the most. 

Your worst enemies are the ones that know you the best. 

I was holding myself together with duct tape and happy thoughts. I didn’t want to go to school, I would do my best to hide.. It was a terrible feeling. I felt sick, I would barely eat anything. I refused to talk to my parents about it because I figured they wouldn’t understand. 

No matter how hard I tried to understand why they were doing these things to me, it felt like I would never belong anywhere.  

But honestly I want to thank them, of course I will never forget the pain that they put me through, I will never forget the way they made me feel like I was shit on their shoe. 

People who put others down, are suffering from a battle that we just don’t see, they are going through something that they refuse to let anyone know and project it on other people, this taught me compassion. 

This taught me to love all walks of life, to treat others the way you want to be treated no matter how they treat you. 

This taught me to look beyond what they looked like and connect with their experiences in life, to stop and listen. 

This taught me to be strong, because no matter what comes at me now, I will know how to handle it. 

This has taught me to see the signs in my kids if they are being bullied. This has taught me to know how to speak to them about bullying. 

I am not thanking them for their behaviour and I am not giving them credit for my happiness, but that experience has taught me so much. 

I am thanking them because they showed me what not to be, they showed me that no matter what pain or suffering that I go through, I will use that to be more kind, to be more passionate to be more open and listen to others suffering. 

I chose to use the darkness that surrounded me and become a flower. I outgrew your words and your hate and became the person that I wanted to be.

My kids turned into slobs, during quarantine.

I am tired of it.

My house looks like a party that I wasn’t invited to. It is always a giant mess. No matter how much I pick up, sweep, clean. 

I have always taught my kids to be respectful and clean up after yourselves. I have always taught them responsibility is key. 

But somehow that went right out the window since they have been home due to Covid 19. 

Every single day I am repeating myself constantly to pick up your wrappers, to put your dishes in the sink or dishwasher, pick up your toys. I sound like a damn broken record. 

At this point I don’t even know why I fold their laundry, because I go into their rooms and it looks like a bunch of monkeys went in rummaging through their dressers. 

I yell “If you don’t pick up these legos, I’m just going to vacuum them up!” 

Which they don’t and then I vacuum them up and honestly I don’t even think they notice. 

I have put their toys in the toy jail and I am pretty sure they are collecting dust they haven’t even noticed or care. 

Yelling “I am bored!” well I have a list of lovely things you can do! Now all of a sudden nobodies bored. 

Soon they are going to be completely out of toys and I bet you 100% they are going to somehow make a mess with 3 toys. 

I am hoping and I am praying that when this is all over or one day when they are older they will start picking up after themselves because I will not be going to their houses and cleaning… I keep repeating to myself because I have a feeling it is going to drive me up the wall if their house is a mess. 

I will continue to tell them to clean up, I will continue to tell them to respect your things… hoping one day they will get it.

True meaning behind the popular children’s book “Love you forever”

Growing up one of my favorite books my mom  read to me was

 “love you forever” by Robert munsch.  

This popular book has sold over 15 million copies. 

This book was published in 1986. 

Parents all over the world were singing the beautiful lullaby to their children.

“I love you forever, 

I will like you for always

As long as i’m living

My baby you’ll be” 

Sadly before this became a popular lullaby that parents loved to sing to their children. Robert sang to himself in his head, this lullaby to the still born baby. 

Sadly this was the second still born this couple has had. 

Robert went on saying that singing this song out loud was just way too painful and he honestly couldn’t even share it with his wife. 

Robert dedicated his life to writing children’s books and even worked in orphanages. When the doctors told the couple that they would never be able to have children they were devastated. 

The couple went on and adopted 3 children, Andrew, Julie and Tyya.

Robert said that he created this poem to help himself grieve it was his way of crying. Losing a child is devastating and we all grieve differently. 

The book is about a mother watching her boy grow up. He starts as a baby and then becomes a father himself. While he is growing up his mother becomes old and frail and the roll is reversed. 

Learning the true meaning behind this book gives me a whole new perspective. 

This is such a beautiful tribute to his children that he lost. 

There is no other loss greater than losing a child.

The honesty and pain and love that went into making this book, is probably one of the reasons it is so popular. It is real and it is raw. 

It will forever and always be my favorite book and after learning the true meaning behind it, it became 10 times more meaningful and amazing.

Skinny shaming

I have never been fat, but I know too well how it feels to be criticized about your weight. From family and from friends, even strangers.

We all know that “fat shaming” is wrong, but I rarely hear about the other way around “skinny shaming”. And I promise you it happens.

So why is “skinny shaming” okay? But “fat shaming” is not?

I remember standing in line at the grocery store, I had all 4 kids with me, and I was taking stuff out of the cart and putting them on the belt. An older lady came up behind me and said “I hope you are eating all that too you are skin and bones” and pokes my side.

The fact that she was a little bigger than me, is irrelevant. She was speaking about my weight in public. 100% if it was the other way around and I said something about her weight. That would be extremely unacceptable.

I get that I am trending on thin ice talking about being skinny and being shamed for it, but I am done. I am done being silent about how I feel. I am going to list all the names that I have been called so far in my life Slim, stick, beanpole, all bones, scrawny, wafer, paper thin, Skeleton, anorexic and that’s just a few.

These names are just thrown around like confetti on the media and in real like and no one bats an eye but yet, we have to be careful of the words we use to describe anything to do with fat. I personally can’t stand being called “too skinny” I have been battling the fact that I can’t gain weight for the life of me. I eat more than my husband. But hey, a skinny girl should be so lucky to be skinny right?

My parents have always been at me constantly “Are you eating” “Are you sure you are okay, I can buy you food” at this point me even eating anything at family gatherings just makes me uncomfortable. I am so tired of the comments. I understand that they mean well. They are just trying to make sure I am doing alright. It really gets to me. If I could gain weight, I gladly would. But it is just not that simple.

I used to laugh it off, like it was not a big deal, but it started to get old real fast. It started to really hurt. Being told that a stiff wind will blow me away one day, really stings. I started to wear clothes that wouldn’t show my figure because I was tired of people making remarks, tired of my family making remarks.

As women, we need to start making a stand. We need to stop shaming any type of body type. We need to stop saying that “too thin” is unattractive and “too fat” is ugly. We have stopped looking at the inner beauty of people.

Honestly there is no right body and no wrong body type. ‘Real women have curves’  how about some women do and some women don’t. That doesn’t make them any less of a woman, does it? Everyone is real no matter what size they are, what shape they are or abilities they have.

“Go eat something you are too skinny” needs to be the same as “Are you really sure you need to eat that” the pain and hurt is just the same.

The world thinks that saying “you’re so skinny” is some sort of complement. It is not. You have no idea what kind of battle they are battling at the time.

I think we all need to agree that commenting on someone’s body regardless of their weight is not okay.

Let’s start accepting people for the way they are! Beautiful.