There are a lot of things that we wouldn’t even do as an adult.
Do you expect your kids to do things that you wouldn’t even do as an adult?
Do you ever yell at your kids to calm down when they are upset for a good reason? Are you able to calm down right away when you are upset because someone told you too?
I know personally that I can never calm down when someone tells me, in fact it makes me more upset, because now I am upset that I can’t calm down.
Kids care about one thing, being able to get their needs met, whether it’s being fed, being hugged, getting that toy that they want, you playing with those toys, you listening to their stories.
Whatever it is, there is always a good reason they are upset, even if we think it is silly.
I found once I understood this, my focus changed. From “uh, these kids never listen” to “What is it they really need right now”
Those freak out, those meltdowns and those storm out of the room moments, are not ‘bad behavior’ they are your child telling you something is wrong. We as adults, as their parents need to help them find a different way of showing their emotions. That is the only way they know how.
It is amazing when you can defuse a melt down, instead of escalating the situation to the beyond out of control, no return freak outs.
Figure out what is upsetting them if you have not already, they might need something that they just can’t get, or can’t have. You might have told them not today. The thing that they need or want is very present in their emotions.
Help your child express themselves in a different way, Telling them to calm down, telling them you need to stop will only make things worse because if they could calm down then they would have already.
This would be like your best friend or husband telling you to calm down when you are upset with something that was really important to you. 100% that would make it worse would it?
“Don’t tell me to calm down!! This is upsetting to me” well your child feels the same way.
Connecting with your child a different way, will help build your relationship with that child, instead of your child thinking “mom never understands and just yells at me” it will turn into “my mom really cares about why I am upset” and they will start to learn to control why they are upset and it will become easier to calm those little/big emotions down.