Future for our kids

What kind of world do you want for our children?

Our children are our future and their kids as well and so on. 

I know personally, I want the world to be full of life. I want humans to respect the earth and everything that it gives us. 

I want them to grow up knowing that we did everything possible to give them the best ground to live on. The best place to raise their kids. 

But how do we do that, when people continue to disrespect it? Disrespecting nature, that has given us so much. 

Everything is changing around us. We are in the whole new world of staying in our houses and only supposed to go out when it’s really needed. There are no schools and we are trying to teach our kids ourselves. 

Now that there are less people going out, our nature is healing itself from everything that humans have done. Healing itself from pollution. We are seeing more animals come out of hiding because they feel safer. 

Have you ever just sat outside. Closed your eyes and just listened? Listened to the birds singing? Listened to the sounds of the trees blowing? It is such a beautiful sound. 

This is the Walmart plaza parking lot,  My husband does the grass cutting, he has to pick up around 80 gloves.
This is the Walmart plaza parking lot, My husband picked up around 80 gloves, he does the maintenance for this property.

But yet here are some people throwing their gloves everywhere on the ground because it is so easy for them to discard them wherever instead of finding a garbage can or bringing them home and putting them in the garbage. It is disgusting. You are teaching your kids to be disrespectful, to not care. Your kids watch EVERYTHING you do. You need to lead by example and show them to help the planet, not destroy it. 

Go out and do a garden with your children, pick up garbage around your house, in your backyard. Go outside and let them listen to the sounds of nature and ask them to name the things they hear. Talk about how to protect the land they live on. 

Studies have shown that patients in the hospital that can see nature, see trees are more likely to have less pain, and recover faster compared to the ones that don’t. After spending more time outside even an hour have shown 20% better memory performance and attention spans. Trees help us have clean air. Being outside studies have shown that anxiety and depression lowers. 

The thing is nature doesn’t need us to survive, we need nature to survive. The more we just throw our garbage around the less planet we have. Our kids’ future is in our hands. Not just for schooling, not just for teaching them how to cook and clean, but to teach them to respect everything and that includes Earth. 

To my NEIGHBORS

I am really sorry about the noise. 

There was a giant octopus while the kids were looking for treasure in the ocean, but really it was just the pool. 

I am really sorry about the noise.  

There was a dragon invading the castle and the boys had to protect the girls since they were knights and the girls were princesses, but really it was just the dogs and they were on the playground. 

I am really sorry about the noise. 

There was a problem on the spaceship, they were about to crash into a planet, but really the playground was the spaceship. 

I am really sorry about the noise. 

My daughter lost her powers and the other had to search for clues as to why she lost her powers, but really they were just in the backyard searching in the grass. 

I am really sorry about the noise. 

The robbers were trying to take the diamonds in the museum and the police were chasing them, but really my sons were the robbers and my daughters were the police and they were chasing each other around the yard. 

Yes, I am sorry they are loud, but they are happy. They are outside and using their imaginations. My backyard is full of adventures. Adventures that us adults would dream about doing again. No care in the world. No bills to pay. Just constant adventures. 

I want them to stay little forever. So yes, if they are loud for a little bit, I want to continue to hear their laughter, I want to continue to hear their little voices as long as I can, because one day. It will be silent. One day they will be all grown up. Let them be young just a little longer.

Milestones

As I sit here on my back deck, soaking in the nice weather before this huge thunderstorm jumps in and wrecks the nice weather we have been having. 

Although we do need some rain. We just planted some grass seed in the back. Our yard seems to have a water draining issue, we fixed it, but now we need the grass to grow back! 

Anyways, I was scrolling through some mom facebook groups. I noticed A LOT of moms comparing their kids to other kids or asking when will my baby walk, or talk or sit up. 

I will say this. I am no expert but I have been a mom for 11 years and I have 4 kids. Let me tell you. NONE of them hit their milestones at the same time. NONE. They were all different, but they hit them. 

We need to stop comparing our kids with other kids. Everyone is different. It does not make you a crappy mom because little Stevie started walking later. It does not make your child better than other kids because they hit their milestones faster than others. 

Some babies are fast talkers before they walk and vice versa. Kids develop at their own pace. 

Do your best to stay off of Web MD because all of a sudden everyone in the house has a disease and it will just freak yourself out. 

If you honestly have concerns about your child, then call your doctor. Going on social media for your answers will more than likely just cause yourself to have a mini heart attack because Janets daughter is already playing the clarinet at 2 years old. 

Let your kids develop at their own pace. Do not try and rush them. Show them encouragement. Don’t show them you are upset because they aren’t hitting those milestones.  Keep telling them they can do it but support them when they cannot. 

We are their number one fans and that’s all they need.

Believe it or not

As a mother, when you hear the doctor tell you, your son has autism, ADHD, Social Anxiety and a learning disability your heart sinks. 

Was it something that I did wrong? Was it something that I didn’t do? 

Was it  because I let him watch TV when he was 2? 

All these things running through your head, even though you knew in your heart that something was different about him. 

While you try and convince yourself that he has all these things. I didn’t realize it was so much! 

You have to convince yourself and try to come to terms with all these new things that just got thrown at you, you now have to convince your family that all this is true. 

The constant “well he isn’t like that with me” “Wow I just don’t see it?  “Maybe he is just trying to get attention, with all those kids there you know” And the worst one “Are you sure the doctor wasn’t just saying that because they want money?” 

Well family; 

You are not there when he has those meltdowns because his schedule is slightly off. 

You are not there when he cries so hard before bed because he is scared he wont wake up.

You are not there when he says the most horrible things just to hurt me and I somehow have to figure out how to harden my heart because I know he truly doesn’t mean those things. 

You are not there when I ask him to do a simple task but then hits and kicks me and then tries to break down his door, then cries because he hurt his door. 

You are not there when he starts smacking himself in the head because he got a question wrong in school. 

You are not there when he gets so attached to a coat that you have to search every store possible to find the exact same coat and sneek when he is sleeping and change the coat so he doesn’t notice. 

When we are at family functions, we leave when he is about to have a meltdown. We watch the signs. We try to avoid as many triggers as possible so that we can all enjoy ourselves including him. 

You are not there doing a grocery shop, trying to figure out his meal plan because he needs to have different things in his diet to make sure that he lives the best possible life without having episodes. 

You were not there when I got the phone call that he tried to throw a desk and threw shoes at a teacher because she told him that he couldn’t do something. 

So yes, family. YOU might not see it, YOU might not believe it, but I can tell you with my heart that he is. 

Yes, he is the sweetest, most caring bundle of joy. With the biggest imagination possible. He is so smart when he is able to sit for more than a couple minutes. 

I am doing my best with this whole new thing. I just hope one day you will understand the lengths that I go through every day to make sure that you do not see it. That he has the best possible life. 

Dear laundry,

I have noticed you are always here lurking in the shadows.

You tend to spread throughout the house. 

You are on the floor in the bedrooms.

You are on the floor in the living room. 

Sometimes, and I mean rarely do you actually make it to the basket. 

Sometimes you are clean and end up back in the laundry room. 

You are always losing your sock partner, it’s like you don’t even care.  

I feel like you are using me, to pick you up and clean you. You can’t even be bothered to change yourself to the drier. 

You pile up so quickly, I feel like I can’t breath! 

I feel suffocated! 

I constantly have to fold you and put you away. 

Sometimes I find you hanging halfway out the dresser.

So today I have decided that we are breaking up. 

I am going to enjoy this cup of coffee, while you lay throughout the house.

I’m going to pretend you are not here later and enjoy a glass of wine. 

I am not sorry, I don’t care about your feelings. You clearly don’t care about mine. 

I bid my farewell laundry.

 Today you do not exist! 

The P Word

The P word that no one wants to talk about.  

The P word that every mother dreads. 

The P word that a lot of mothers say they won’t get it

Postpartum depression. 

It is 100% real.

It is not in a mother’s head.

It is not something you can just “get over” 

It is not something that is ‘cured overnight” 

It cannot be fixed “by getting out” more. 

The P word makes you feel sad, and cry even when you have no idea what you are upset about.

The P word make you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

The P word makes you sleep way too much.

The P word makes you eat too much, or might make you not eat at all.

The P word makes your body feel like you are in so much pain but have no idea where it is coming from.

The P word will make you have mood swings like no tomorrow.

The P word will make you feel out of control, can’t remember anything.

The P word will make you feel disconnected to your baby, this does not mean you don’t love your baby, but it may feel that way. 

The P word might happen right after your baby is born, or it might happen months later. 

You are not alone!! 

No there is nothing wrong with you, I promise you, it will get better. If you or any of your friends are feeling these symptoms, please talk about it, call your doctor, talk to your spouse, your friends. You don’t have to battle the P word alone.

Being a mother is a thankless job

Being a mother is a thankless job. 

We do the things, and don’t expect a thank you, or a good job. 

We don’t wait to be asked to do something, we just do it.

But it’s always nice to hear and when we do hear it, it makes us feel more appreciated that someone noticed that we did something, even though that something happens every day. 

Even though we have done all the things and more. I still ask myself “Did i do enough?” “Did I miss something that I should have done?”

To be seen and encouraged by the people that mean the most to you, the people that you do the most for, it’s just amazing. 

What I long to hear, and I promise it’s pretty simple spouses and children… 

“I noticed that you cleaned _____  and it looks awesome”

I am constantly cleaning the kids’ bedrooms, and the kitchen and the living room and doing the laundry, but I feel like it’s just expected and it’s kinda sad. I promise you it’s not some magical cleaning fairy. 

“Thank you mom for everything you do”

I am constantly picking up after them, constantly finding this and that. “Mom where’s my ___” the fact that you don’t even have to finish the sentence means I am paying attention more than you think

“Thank you for spending time to prepare this dinner for us”

Man, the amount of time lately that I have been making all the meals, I cannot wait till we can eat take out again without being scared. I would rather thank yous then, ew this is gross or why did you make this tonight. I wanted that. 

“Wow you have a way with the kids, you are amazing”

Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I am doing, sometimes I feel like the kids are just feral and It’s really hard sometimes to get them under control. 

“The kids and I are so lucky to have you”

I feel like I am just here to make sure the house runs smoothly, sometimes I feel like I am a robot and everyone just expects me to pick and clean up after them. 

These simple words.. These simple thank yous just make everything better, they just make it seem like you are completely appreciated in the house! 

I know they do me! 

Little ones, big emotions

There are a lot of things that we wouldn’t even do as an adult. 

Do you expect your kids to do things that you wouldn’t even do as an adult? 

Do you ever yell at your kids to calm down when they are upset for a good reason? Are you able to calm down right away when you are upset because someone told you too? 

I know personally that I can never calm down when someone tells me, in fact it makes me more upset, because now I am upset that I can’t calm down. 

Kids care about one thing, being able to get their needs met, whether it’s being fed, being hugged, getting that toy that they want, you playing with those toys, you listening to their stories. 

Whatever it is, there is always a good reason they are upset, even if we think it is silly. 

I found once I understood this, my focus changed. From “uh, these kids never listen” to “What is it they really need right now” 

Those freak out, those meltdowns and those storm out of the room moments, are not ‘bad behavior’ they are your child telling you something is wrong. We as adults, as their parents need to help them find a different way of showing their emotions. That is the only way they know how. 

It is amazing when you can defuse a melt down, instead of escalating the situation to the beyond out of control, no return freak outs. 

Figure out what is upsetting them if you have not already, they might need something that they just can’t get, or can’t have. You might have told them not today. The thing that they need or want is very present in their emotions. 

Help your child express themselves in a different way, Telling them to calm down, telling them you need to stop will only make things worse because if they could calm down then they would have already.

This would be like your best friend or husband telling you to calm down when you are upset with something that was really important to you. 100% that would make it worse would it?
“Don’t tell me to calm down!! This is upsetting to me” well your child feels the same way.

Connecting with your child a different way, will help build your relationship with that child, instead of your child thinking “mom never understands and just yells at me” it will turn into “my mom really cares about why I am upset” and they will start to learn to control why they are upset and it will become easier to calm those little/big emotions down.

Bucket list

Let’s talk about bucket lists. 

Maybe you have one for you and the kids or a family bucket list, or even for you and your spouse or a personal bucket list. 

Lately with everything happening and everyone being home with not much to do, I have been thinking about a bucket list. Things that I want to cross off. 

We often let time just pass us by, and we tend to get stuck in a rut.  Seasons change and so do we. 

A bucket list helps us get motivated to get things done, that we have been longing to do, either we don’t have time to do it, or we forget we wanted to do it. 

Maybe you want to see all the waterfalls around the world, maybe you want to try all the poutine chip trucks in your area. Maybe you want to reorganize the whole house!

Taking inventory 

Think about all the things that you want or need in your life right now. Having closer relationships with family members or how about your want to do a big research on a topic that you are interested in or you want to get in shape. 

Think about what you are missing in your life that you truly want to go for. 

What do you really want to get done

Write down a list of things you want to get done around the house, maybe you want some more gardens, or maybe you want to tackle a room that you just have been neglecting. Think about long term goals and short term goals. 

Maybe it’s something personal like “reacting differently when the kids frustrate me” or maybe it’s about personal budgeting. I know I have a problem with “Send to cart” haha

I know, I want to paint the back deck and paint the laundry room! 

Planning your summer might be a little out of the question right now with everything in the air if we are even going to be able to do some of the things we want, but when writing down things that you want to happen after all this is over would work just as well! 

I was reading an awesome blog the other day “Bare foot five” her and her family made a “manafest it wall” Her and her family write down big things that they want, can be getting a trampoline to going on a trip and when they do the things or get the things that are on the wall they write down the date that they did them!! Such a neat idea! 

Bucket lists are amazing and fun, when you are able to cross things off, it makes you feel great! Great that you were able to accomplish those things!

Start making your list! Start feeling accomplished. Have fun! Decorate it. Use stickers! Whatever you want to do!

Check in on your kids

It has been 2 months, 2 months that we have been in isolation. 

2 months that we have not been able to live a normal life

2 months that we have not been able to visit our friends

2 months that we have not been able to get groceries the same way

2 months that we have not been able to just browse in the stores.

A lot of us have thought about all the things that we are not able to do during this time and we have thought about all the things that we are going to do when all this is over.

But have you truly honestly thought of how your child is feeling during this time? Have you honestly asked them how they are feeling? And got the real answer and not the “I don’t know” or “I guess it sucks?” 

We have praised all the front line workers, we have praised the nurses and the doctors and the ones that have been working still during this horrible time. I thank them! They are doing what a lot of us cannot. 

But have you praised your kids?

Change is hard for us parents, us adults. But can you imagine what it is like to be a child?

This is not like summer that a lot of people have been saying…. Summer you would be able to visit grandparents, go camping, see their friends. 

Summer vacation, their parents weren’t stressed about money, about if they are going to get the food they need without it being substituted or unavailable. 

There was honestly no way that we could fully prepare our kids for something that we had no idea that was going to happen. They don’t have the tools to understand or comprehend what is happening right now. 

They are going through all these new emotions, all these new things, all these new stresses that we were not able to prepare them for. 

On the outside they may be acting like they are okay, on the outside they may be acting like they have this figured out. I am willing to bet they are fighting some demons on the inside that we are not aware of. I am willing to bet they are scared, they are bored, they are going insane just like the rest of us. 

So I am asking you, check in on your child. Really sit down and ask them how they are doing. If they are worried to tell you how they are feeling, or struggle with expressing their emotions like my 9 year old is who has autism, get them to draw you a picture or write a story about someone else who is in isolation, their emotions will come out in that.

Isolation is hard on us, it is harder on them.