It’s almost the afternoon here and I am freezing. It’s a cold winter day, and I and curled up with a blanket and a cup of warm coffee.
I have something on my mind and what better way then to blog about it.
I suck at being a friend right now.
I remember when I was younger I had all this free time to do whatever, “Hey want to come over?” “Sure!” I could stay out as late as my parents would let me, and just have fun with nothing holding me back, relaxed and care free.
A friend will message me and saw remember when, or tag me in a photo of the old times and I could see the smile on our faces or they ask if I want to do something. Of course now its more let me check my scheduled. Between school things, and sports and birthday parties and everything but the kitchen sink my time is extremely limited.
I feel guilt rushing through me, because sometimes it takes me awhile to reply, oh I will get to that when I get home… but then life gets in the way.
As a parent of young children, 4 of them it just tends to get a little crazy around here. If I am not getting children dressed, changed, fed, bathed. I am doing the mounds of laundry, the dishes, errands, appointments, running around getting them to sporting events, quality time with them. There is always the time where you are about to sit down at the computer and someone wants you to draw with them, play with them, so you get back up and be with them.
Not only all that, then exhaustion kicks in once the day it over… there is still stuff that needs to be done around the house but you used all your left over energy to get that cranky, over tired toddler into bed. Raising tiny little humans to be well mannered, amazing adults one day is a full time job on its own.
By the time i can finally sit down and answer these messages, they are short and trying to make plans to see someone, that it has to be within my schedule its just hard. “Can you come over and hang out here?” “Would it be okay if we hang out after 12, because dropping off the kids at school then I have some running around to do” “Would it be okay, if we went somewhere near the house so that I can still be home to put the kids to bed?”
The thing is when we finally do hang out, I am frazzled thinking of all the things that I just didn’t get done today, or I am already yawning and so tired because I am finally relaxing that my body is just taking over.
I just want to say that I am sorry… I am sorry that I am not a good friend right now, but I promise you that it wont last.
I am buried in deep sand of this parenting thing, who need me for a lot right now, because they are all still young. But this stage in life wont last forever.
One day they wont need me as much, they grow up so fast and I just don’t want to miss anything, or mess anything up. One day the will be able to make their own breakfast, be able to get themselves off to school.
As crazy as I sound, I want to hold on to what time I have left of it. Time goes by faster then we think, and I want to be there for most of the things that they do. I want to be there to raise then to be amazing adults one day. I want to remember their tiny little voices. I want to soak up in as much of it as I can.
One day I will have more time on my hands. I will eventually know how to balance it all. One day I will be able to get more sleep at night, a better sleep at night so I wont be so tired. So I promise I will be come a better friend. I will be the good friend that I want to be, and the good friend that I am.
I am still here, no matter what and I value our friendship so much. When you do message me or text me, or ask to hang out… I will respond. Just be patient with me.
If you can hang on just a little longer, ill be there… I promise.