“I am tired”
Those words I say on a regular basis…
Honestly I feel like that is all I am, I am just running on coffee. It’s pretty much my life line.
I remember growing up. I could stay up til
l 3 am doing who knows what, and I would be fine in the morning. Now I find myself going to bed at 9 Pm and feel like I need more sleep. At this point I think I am just permanently tired.
Motherhood is tiring.
Those people that say “You’re a stay at home mom” you must have so much time and relax” That’s amusing I wish I did!
I for sure look the part though, hair in a messy bun, PJs to the school drop off. Coffee in my hand trying not to loose my mind. Looking like I have completely given up.
“Why are you so tired” I hear a lot
Well honestly I don’t think I ever stop, and if I do its only for a minute or less until someone needs something.
I get up in the morning, go knock on the girls door, wake them up. One gets in the shower “Don’t forget your towel” go pour myself a coffee, “I forgot my towel” go grab the towel. Go back to my coffee sip it. Go tell the next child to get in the shower “Don’t forget your towel” Go back into the kitchen poor the cereal, “I forgot my towel” and this goes on on more time. make lunch, brush hair. Make sure everyone has socks. Get the youngest dressed and out the door.. meanwhile someone can’t find something, mostly my oldest. She always looses her glasses.
Come home, drink my cold coffee that I did not have time to drink before, laundry, dishes. Pick up 249823094823 toys that some how always go back into the same spot that I picked them up the night before. How they have time to make a mess in a short period of time is beyond me.
As I am writing this I had to get up 17 times to help my youngest find something, potty, 239847234 snacks I swear. Make sure I eat because sometimes in the hustle and bustle I forget to eat.
Grab the kids, snack. After school programs. Get home dinner. More laundry, tidy up. Make husbands lunch. More laundry. Pick up more toys that yet again are in the same spot. Get the kids to bed, Running around like a chicken and its head cut off, “Get your PJ’s on!” “Brush your teeth” “I said PJ’s not build a book fort” Finally they are in bed time for a book that some reason the chapters are so long I feel like I am reading the whole novel. Shower somewhere in between all this. Sometimes.. Ill admit that I don’t shower as much as I should. When do I even have time and when I do let’s face it someone needs something opened or lost something or just knocking on the door because they need a hug.
9pm… is it bed yet? Throw the last load of laundry in the drier just so it doesn’t get the musty smell. Finally lay down, but my brain wont shut off… thinking of all the things that needed to be done, need to be done tomorrow. Oh crap did anyone have homework? when was that permission form suppose to be in? Did I turn on the dishwasher?
The thing is it’s not just the fear of not getting things done… it’s the fear of how are my kid’s doing in life? Will they grow up to be good people? Am I doing enough? Are they being bullied? Are they bullies themselves? Are they keeping secrets about something that happened at school?
Ugh, the fear of the unknown is exhausting!
I am tired of always being needed, yet being completely invisible.
I am tired of “Mom, have you seen my glasses” “Where is my shirt that has the unicorn on it” “Whats for dinner” “Can I have a snack” “I am hungry”
Everyone has clean laundry, the bills are paid. The dishes are done. Everyone doctors appointments made. Everyone has lunches. Food in the cupboards. The garbage is put out on Thursdays.
No one see’s those things…
It is like I am a maid, a cook, a referee and a taxi driver.
Don’t get me started on dinner time. I am so tired of trying to figure out what to have for dinner only to hear “Gross I don’t like this” and having to throw half of it away that I just spent an hour making and being proud of something new that I made. No thank yous for making us dinner either. You’re welcome by the way.
I am tired of knowing that I wont get everything done.
I am tired thinking of all the unrealistic ‘perfect mom” I will never be
I am tired of laundry, doing dishes and picking up toys.
I am tired of no one listening.
I am tired of being frustrated at my kids.
I am tired of being to tired to enjoy the pictures that they made, and the giggles and laughter and hugs and kisses
I am hoping one day, I wont be so tired. I don’t want to look back and think I was to tired to enjoy it all. That I missed so much.